Life and Death

Vienna

When i came back to Vienna I wanted to stay for only two weeks. That was two months ago…

And when I thought things couldn’t get any crazier this year, November had even more craziness up its sleeve.

On Monday, November 2nd, I woke up with a servere heart pain and although I’m usually quite relaxed about pains in my body it felt a bit different than usual. So I visited the emergency room of Vienna’s general hospital.

Fortunately, I didn’t have a heart attack but had to stay even longer than planned in Vienna – postponing my flight to Athens for a third (maybe fourth… I lost count 😉 time – to have some further check-ups that week.

That evening at 8 pm, when I left a restaurant with a friend a big black suitcase in front of the restaurant came to his attention. He wondered why it was there. I joked “Perhaps it’s a bomb.” He was irritated by that joke so I continued telling him, that in intuition training people are trained to pay attention to stupid or strange jokes they as it might be a hint of their subconsciousness that something is wrong. Just moments later I received the info about the terror attacks that had taken place in Vienna am 8 pm. Some call it coincidence. I call it synchronicity.

Crazy sh!t… we had a terrorist attack in Vienna for the first time. May the souls of the victims rest in peace…

That Friday I had my check-up with my cardiologist. He said that my heart has a similar condition that it already had after the separation of from ex-wife and that I should give myself a fair amount to rest not leave for Athens… damn… so I’ll keep some people there waiting even longer for me… and my next flight which was scheduled for today would eventually be postponed by Wizz Air another two times… so let’s see when I will the Aegian Sea again.

About the same tim the video of my latest speech was finalized. I had that speech written for the one I love most and dedicated it to my mentor. “Coincidently” the speech had taken place on his birthday and was co-hosted by the Persian he had urged me years ago already to get in touch with to cooperate with – which we now eventually will. Some call it co-incidence… I call it synchronicity.

However, since it was only days after the terrorist attack, I refrained from promoting it not to be insensitive.

A few days later I had to sell my cryptos as I had to pay some invoices and needed some money to invest into my new project. I was hoping cryptos would stay fairly constant in the upcoming months so I could buy-in in a few months again… good joke…

And, finally, last week my father had urged me to come and visit my grandma I haven’t seen in a long time. She is 97 and not exactly very alive. It’s strange when you see someone about to die who perhaps hasn’t lived for a long time…

And then, on the 25th a god died…

So, from what I write one might think November was a very bad month for me. I wouldn’t necessarily see it that way. This month got me thinking a lot about life and death, of letting go of people I love, letting go of money, life-concepts, goals and dreams. I’m 42 now and a bit in a “strange” mood. I wonder what I still want to or need to achieve in this lifetime. Don’t get me: I’m not depressed… I just feel like… I’m done.

I remember when I turned 40, in a way it was the greatest birthday of my life. I felt like I was ready for the next stage, starting to unfold my full potential, potentially having a true impact with my speeches. Within the next 12 months of my birthday I would become a father and a TEDx speaker.

And now I feel like there is nothing more for me I need to do in this life-time.

With my last speech some new doors opened up that would let me potentially become a public figure in Austria. But honestly speaking… I don’t give a sh!t anymore… I don’t give a damn about this society and its values which I consider to be seriously mentally ill anyway. A superficial “hashtag society” that is full of… where their true self is often exactly the opposite of what they represent with their hashtags. A society where it so much more important what you superficially represent and look like on the outside. What about the inside? Who cares 😉

What for shall I become part of this society? To become another Angelo Soliman? They have their Angelo already, they don’t need me. And also, I don’t want to be stuffed and put into a museum once I’m dead 😉

I remember my mentor once said: You’ll see, if you become famous, down the line everything will be about power, money and sex.

Well… what I start to realize – since I had a little sniff of that society in the last two years – is how right he was. And when I faced these faces of death this month, I started to understand on an even deeper level and in different dimensions what is really important in life…

vox

The Oracle

Delphi

I knew before it might be one of the most profound experiences of my life but I didn’t expect quite that 😉

I came with many questions but none that I felt like I needed to ask.

I draw a card…

The Burden

I walk towards the oracle.

There are those divine moments in life that words can merely describe…

Standing right between the Sanctuary of Athena Pronea and the one of Apollo, behind of me mountains, in front of me a clouded sky and the see… standing on a platform, I suddenly have profound insights…

That very moment Zeus confirms with sudden thunder and lightning…

We humans have the ability to imagine anything we like, yet, we tend to imagine those things that limit us most… about ourselves, about other people, about life…

So, first,

we imagine…

And then,

we create…

Yet, it is us who choose if we create out of fear

or love

So…

WE choose if we create our own hell in paradise 😉

Know Thyself!

Creator

vox

The Sun

There are some songs that make up the soundtrack of your life.

They move something inside of you…

They inspire you…

They drive you…

They heal you…

Somehow they define those episodes of you life!

I still know every single song that defined each important episode of my life.

The ones I listend to when my dear aunt and grandma died.

The ones I listend to when I went On A Trip – Part I, Part II and Part III.

The ones I listend to when I wrote Persian Identity and Fate?

The one I listened to when I fell in love with your mom.

The one that drove me when I wrote the most important speech of my life… for you.

And the one that drove me to dance for more than 12 hours on the day I realized you will be born soon and how much I love you.

You will wonder sometimes why I am not there.

You will question if I really love you.

But there is no reason for that.

Never question my love for you!

Ever since I first learned that you will see the light of day, every story I told, every interview I did, every speech I created and held, everything I did and everything said, everything I do, I do it for you!

Our time will come…

And when it does, I will show my world to you.

I’ll show you how to dance with the moon and the sun.

Baba

Fate Brought Me to Hellada (Again)

Athens, Greece

When one door closes another opens (but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.)

Alexander Graham Bell

Looking back, I believe that I have never been able to pinpoint this incident as precisely as I can in this case:

It was on July 8, 2020, exactly between 3 and 5 pm, when one door closed for me and another one opened.

It was at this very moment that I was disinvited from the life of the one I love most. And exactly on this day and at this time I was invited by a friend, Fate, to stay with her in Athens to take the next step in my life.

I left Vienna on 30 July, leaving my passport behind, losing it at the airport right after my check-in.

I arrived in Athens with no passport and no money in my pockets.

Can this work?

It does… doors open… it seems with each new encounter… every day.

The Greek national identity was by large parts defined when they defeated the Persians 2,500 years ago. Everyone knows Xerxes, but no one is given that name. It’s almost as if someone named Judas is going to the Vatican.

So most of my conversations start out something like:

“What is your name?”

“Xerxes.”

“Xerxes”?! No problem, we beat you last time!”

“Don’t worry… this time

I come in peace 🖖🏽”

I Leave in Peace

The Aegean Sea

As we know, in every conflict there is two sides to the story.

But often, more than the two people in conflict are affected and get involved.

In my most recent conflict, the people who follow the path of rationality and the mind urged me to fight.

But at who’s expense shall I pick that fight?

The ones I love most?!

No… no…

Reality is shaped by our fears, experiences and unconscious bias.

So who am I to judge what is right?

For a moment, I did consider to fight. Yet, fighting often is the result of disappointed love.

So, for sure I will not let generals decide upon my fate and my loved ones.

The damage I would inflict on them by going to battle would be disastrous.

Even if I am right, it would not justify the trauma I would inflict with that fight.

Often, when you love someone, you need to let go. Especially from the ones you love most.

I take full responsibility for my mistakes and surrender to love…

I leave in peace

vox

Crazy Sh!t

Athênai, Hellada

It’s 2015… a fairly ordinary year and I live a fairly ordinary life… fairly. I imagine how I would have reacted if on New Year’s Eve at the beginning of 2016 someone had accurately predicted my next five years:

“In 2016 you will become a pioneer in the European legal cannabis market by co-founding the first CBD dispensary in Europe.”

“Me?! Cannabis?! Yeah sure.”

“In 2017 your start-up will fail because it will be falsely accused of selling illegal substances and you may be prosecuted. At the same time you will initiate the first European CBD study for medical use.”

“Haha, whatever”

“In 2018 your wife will divorce you, although you always thought you would grow old together.”

“Hey, fuck off!”

“In 2019, you will father a girl to another woman and become a TEDx speaker”

“Me?! Of course!”

“In 2020, you will be refrained from seeing you child most of the time including its birthday. To compensate, you will start to tell stories, produce a podcast and do inner journey work so you can have a positiv impact on people through your voice!”

“Mhm… and in 2021 I will try to conquer Greece another time?!”

“Maybe?!”

😉

Seeker of Truth

The other day I watched “The Last Dance” – the Michael Jordan documentary. The moment Jordan was asked if it didn’t bother him that his intensity and mentality was at the expense of his popularity amongst his teammates – his companions – his response resonated strongly with me:

Interviewer: Through the years, do you think your intensity has come at the expense of being perceived as a nice guy?

Michael Jordan: Well, I mean… I don’t know. I mean.. winning has a price! And leadership has a price!

So, I pulled people along when they didn’t want to be pulled. I challenged people, when they didn’t wanna be challenged. And I earned that right because my teammates came after me. They didn’t endure all the things I endured, do all the things that I do.

Once you join the team, you live in a certain standard that I play the game. And I wasn’t gonna take any less.

Now, that means I have to go in and get in your ass a little bit? Then I did that.

You ask all my teammates? “The one thing about Michael Jordan was, he never asked me to do something that he didn’t fucking do.”

When people see this. They gonna say: “Well, he wasn’t really a nice guy. He may have been a tyrant!” Well that’s you, because you never won anything.

I wanted to win, but I wanted them to win and be a part of that as well.

Look, I don’t have to do this. I’m only doing it because it is who I am.

That’s how I played the game. That was my mentality. If you don’t want to play that way, don’t play that way. Break.

Why it resonated with me? Well, basically I can make almost the exact same statement. Not when it comes to sports but when it comes to walking along the path of fear and pain and especially when it comes to confronting myself with my own “bullshit”.

In the past 20 years I’ve heard many well respected therapists, healers and spiritual leaders telling me – independently of each other – that they hardly ever meet someone who is as true to himself, as reflected and as self-critical as me. And that’s not me saying that, that’s them.

Does that make me a better person? No!

Does it make me an enlightened person? Definitly not!

The only thing it makes me is: A seeker of truth. And as a seeker of truth I uncover a lot of bullshit with my presence.

And that is not a trait that makes someone necessarily very popular amongst people.

People who like to confront themselves with their own bullshit usually love me and value my honesty.

People who don’t, usually call me out to be violating borders or call me insane.

Am I insane because I share my perception – my truth – with the people I love? ‘Cause, yeah, I only do so with people I love, because I sometimes need to pull and challenge people that don’t want to be pulled for us to stay companions.

Does that make me violent or insane? Well, you know… only if they choose not to be my companions in the first place.

‘Cause, I never ask someone to confront themselves with something that I didn’t or wasn’t ready to confront myself with… and, most of all, didn’t let them confront me with… it’s not a one-way street!

So that’s how I live my life. That’s my intensity. That’s my mentality.

If you don’t want to live that way, don’t live that way.

vox

Wanna Roll With Me?

Hey, goddess… whichever you may be… if you truly want to conquer my heart read this entry carefully 😉

You see, I am HSP… so at first, you’re gonna love my intensity, then you’re gonna hate me and if you can transcend it, we’re gonna dive deep… infinitely…

At first, I will seem to be a bit contradictory…

Sometimes I’ll seem to be a badass and then again you’ll recognize the good heart behind.

Sometimes I’ll seem to be soft and then again you’ll recognize the strength behind.

Sometimes I’ll seem to be unapologetic and I then again you’ll value the honesty behind.

These are the virtues of a Scorpio and besides HSP it’s the reason for my intensity…

So, if you want me to love you we’ll have to share these three virtues: Honesty, trust and healthy vulnerability!

Honesty means that…

… we’ll put our masks off and celebrate our imperfection… we show us to each other as we truly are… perhaps in a way we’ve never been able to before.

… our fuses will burn at times as we trust each other to be able to handle it.

… we’ll show each other what we see in the other… our light side but also those things that we believe are hindering us from diving deep.

So we’ll need to trust each other!

Trust means that…

… we’ll face each other with compassion and understanding and are willing to hang in there together even if it is uncomfortable at times.

… we’ll be able and willing to face our deepest fears.

… we’ll not feel judged even if we share with each other our reality, as we do it out of love… not for the sake of judgment or degradation.

So we’ll need to show each other our vulnerability!

Vulnerability means that…

… we show us to each other naked…

… our traumas…

… our fears…

… our weaknesses…

… our shame…

… we open up to each other to grow personally… to give a deep relationship a true chance.

By showing each other our vulnerability, do trust each other and are honest with each other we create true intimacy!

So, no matter if we are lovers – platonic or physical – honesty and trust are the framework of our relationship. And showing our healthy vulnerability is how we encounter… it is not the weakness of the coward but the virtue of the courageous.

You see, my love is not unconditional… if you expect that from me, think again… I’m neither enlightened nor your daddy!

And if you don’t want to roll this way, I’m sorry, but even if you are the most infatuating person and are madly in love with me, we won’t dive deep… we’ll just have some superficial relationship.

But if we’ll dive deep together…

… we’ll discover the world out there, inside us and the whole universe.

… we’ll face each other at eye height and we’ll be best friends.

… we’ll support each other in doing what we really want to do.

… we’ll give each other the freedom we need… connecting moment by moment… sometimes we’ll be our individual self and sometimes we’ll be together… but we’ll always be there for each other.

… we’ll protect each other and give each other emotional security.

… we’ll be mindful with one another and accept and respect each other as we are.

… we’ll live a life together and support each other facing our fears and healing our wounds.

… we’ll melt intensely with each other.

… we’ll live intimacy tantrically, cosmically and ecstaticly.

It might not be the exiting, dramatic love you’re used to but the quiet, gentle, mindful love where we love, laugh, enjoy, dance and celebrate life.

Essentially, I will love you for who you really are!

And you will start to wonder if this is really possible… if someone can really be that intensely in love with you.

So, if you’re gonna believe in my path we’ll be best friends, I’ll give you security and treat you like a goddess 😍

You wanna roll with me?!? My conditions are honesty, trust and vulnerability!

And apart from these three virtues, I’ll love you unconditionally!

I’m looking forward to loving you 😊

See you soon!

Love

vox

TEDx

Wow… what an amazing weekend… it is magical!

I can feel that it is the moment where it seems that everything I have done, experienced and learned in my life culminates in this very moment?

There is a reason for everything that happened so far. What has happened over the course of the last few weeks… months… years. I am grateful for everyone… for everything… for every thing!

The atmosphere here is so inspirational and the vibration so high!

Nine hours to go… I arrive at the venue and go backstage. Everyone is nervous… even the most experienced speakers can feel the adrenaline.

I have the honor to be the closing speaker, I have to wait until the evening to hold my speech. Exciting, tiring and inspiring at the same time.

Eight hours to go… The event starts with a piano piece and then, one special speech is followed by the next!

Five hours to go… Going back and forth between backstage and frontstage you can feel the vibration. Backstage I provide some nervous speakers with CBD. They calm down a bit and are thankful.

One hour to go… after seven hours of listening, supporting and rehearsing the final fourth block starts. I go backstage to prepare. The cosmetician tells me I have 20 minutes before I need to see her.

40 minutes to go… I meet the speaker who will be speaking just before me. She gives me some input. I wish her good luck and I decide to readjust my speech to connect to her’s.

30 minutes to go… I go to the other end of the backstage hall and start my thing… first, my final rehearsal.

15 minutes to go… I’m done with the final rehearsal. Now, I put in the song that has inspired me the last couple of weeks to do my thing at TEDx and I start to dance like a mad man. It only takes a few moments until some volunteers gather to see my pre-speech-preparation-dance and I guess some wonder if I plan to dance on stage or if I have a nervous breakdown 😉

Eight minutes to go… I go up front the backstage to get connected to the mic. People wish me all the best and yet no-one dares to chat with me now. They all know that this is the moment where the speakers need to focus.

Five minutes to go… I start to raise my vibration with the chakra vowels.

One minute to go… I go up to the curtain. I invite my ancestors to support me… my mentor to support me… my baby girl to support me… and then… they introduce me.

With slow steps, I walk on stage. People applaud… this is it: The moment I present my true self to the whole world… the speech of my life!

The one moment our speaker coach refers to as the moment we potentially speak to three billion people in the world!

Silence… and then I roll… “I was born in the midst of a revolution…”

I’m here, now!

Inside I burn like a flame and I stand there – rock-solid, no movement at all – and it’s just my voice with those words that flow out of my mouth… and then… my final message:

“If you believe in what I say might be true, I believe it is you…”

People break into applause…

Wait… I’m not finished with the punchline yet… but they just don’t stop…

So I shout: “Do you?”

Rebirth

vox