Follow the Light

La Gomera

The last couple of weeks have been somewhat challenging and retreating from my life in Vienna was a good choice. Arriving on Tenerife I started to get into a different mood… a different mode staying with a dear friend.

Thursday, I transferred to Gomera. Here I’m living in a cool villa of a ’70s rockstar in a beautiful barranco. From my balcony I have a wicked view, seeing the awesome night-sky, constantly hearing strong atlantic waves as they hit the shore. I hardly ever go to the village – why should I? – living at this beautiful place in peace.

On Friday I started working with the Amazonian warrior doing Kambo ceremonies. I’m not sure what has changed but the ceremonies are less rough then last year’s and the effects seem to be much deeper.

Last year it would usually take me a half day to recover but now I’m fine within less then an hour. The last couple of days I would do Kambo ceremonies every morning. After some rest I meditate, do Qi Gong and read, watch or listen to inspiring stuff.

My mood has changed completely within these few days. I feel quite relaxed, free and wide again.

Looking back at the last couple of months I learn a lot about life, myself and my patterns.

Last year, while I was trippin at the Gomera Pan-o-rama festival I realized that wherever I put my focus on things start to “grow”. I had learned that by putting my focus on negative things in people and situations that the negative becomes bigger… and bigger. But when I put my focus on the light and love, the positive things grow.

Well, that might not be news to you but for me – being educated and working as a counselor – I have learned I need to process shit.

But you know what? Once you start processing it, it never ends. There is no end to things you can process in you or in others if you start to focus on it…. and along the way you might forget the love and light in life.

Last year, after my Pan-o-rama experience I thought I had left that pattern behind me for good and once I fell in love with a very special woman I started to solely focus on her light.

It was such a beautiful experience only poems could describe how it felt. But eventually once a seemingly challenging situation appeared my deep routed old patterns kicked in… again.

I have this habit that once I believe to see subconscious dynamics in challenging situations I start to explain them – trying to process stuff with creating awareness to avoid things to turn south. What happens in reality is that I create more shit by trying to process it – it’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy – manifesting the negative. And this is exactly what has happened the last couple of weeks.

Well, there is so many negative things in the world out there and although a lot of bad stuff happens I truly believe that it is my choice where I put my focus on. It is my choice what reality I create! It is my choice – without being naive or blind – to still put my focus on light!

Life is so beautiful… if I allow it to be. I love my dear friends… I love my companions… I love my life! And I love the new life I have co-created!

Follow the light!

vox

Losing mySELF

I love seeing life through the eyes of other people. That’s how I expand my universe… traveling between different worlds… experiencing not only my life but the one of many people. 

That’s one of the reasons why I travel, became a counselor and usually fall in love with women who have a very different life than mine.

When I fall in love with people I dive deep into their lives. Sometimes to the point were they feel I get too close to them and often to the point where I lose myself along the way.

It’s just like the poem I shared in my last post “Shams“:

  I was him

  I’ve become him

  I’ve become without him

  I’ve become just like him

  for this

  I am with no face anymore.

I start to see things differently, act differently, think differently, feel differently and even the way I move changes.

In a way I could say I do lose myself along the way.

What I often experience on this path is a state of mind I call psychosis – it has nothing to do with the psychiatric diagnosis, though.

It essentially happens when I start to identify with what I feel, see, hear and do during that deep-dive into these different worlds.

Then, I start to forget who I really am for the moment.

But hey, although it sometimes feels dreadful while I’m in the middle of it, it helps me find my true self and understand who I really am once I retreat from these identifications.

Not only that I experience a new world, I also grow.

So next stop… retreat!

vox