My last entry inspired me to rethink the way I want to communicate my project INIXIATE.
Thanks to that entry I decided to communicate my reality authentically like in this blog and not try to adapt my messaging to the common influencer style or the superficial showbiz style that was expected from me during my short stint as an “agency-speaker”.
The people who share my reality will follow me… I guess 😉 And if nobody follows me then I might just be on the wrong path.
I really believe that. I never compromised my truth – what I did, though, was that I wasn’t true to myself for quite some time and had lost myself.
It is easy to break open the door. Yet, it is not easy to leave the cage for good once the door is open.
I was out there a couple of times, only to return into the cage… to the supposed safety, the comfort zone, however you wanna call it.
We humans tend to prefer going back to a toxic environment – friends, (ex)partners, parents, workplaces or cultures, cities, etc. – rather than staying out of the cage (and toxic doesn’t mean something or someone is toxic as such, it/they just need to be toxic for you personally).
We justify going back with “good reasons” that our ego tricks us to have. The ego will always easily find good reasons to justify your actions. Often, as it is much easier to cope with – i.e. more “comfortable”, more “secure” – then facing the unknown out there or the truth on the other side of the cage door.
For me, now is the time to be true to myself. Writing this, I realize perhaps it is time for me to leave. Vienna has. always been toxic for me personally. And staying in a toxic environment for someone I love but can merely see for 36 hours per year is not a reason to stay… it’s an excuse.
And then, a story comes to my mind: A crazy man once told me: Your destiny is not to serve yourself or individuals. Your destiny is to serve on a much bigger scale.
That was 15 years ago. My reaction to it was to get back into my cage, fooling myself, pretending I’m on the path. In reality I’ve served the stories and narratives of people I loved to the extend, that I often lost myself along the way.
And shit… it is scary thinking of leaving Vienna for good… I just wanna have a normal, peaceful and relaxed life for myself 😉 And these days when I wake up in the morning I feel paralized. Leaving into the unknown is not the easiest of tasks.
Yet, the cage door is wide open… the choice is mine… and mine alone…