Month: September 2022

Up in the Air

What a crazy summer!

Experiencing psytrance on another level while initiating people into this world. This world which is really mine. A world of healing, connectedness, serendipity, abundance and syncronicity.

And then Vienna…

Within one day, I returned to my old unhealthy habits. It was rough… really rough. I think it took me about a week living through it hardcore, before I was able to kinda snap out of it… kinda… in reality I wouldn’t be fully able to until the end.

And then, I saw my sun. I found the perfect present a father like me could give to his daughter for her third birthday… a handmade kaleidoscope.

We celebrated birthday together twice, once her and me and once with my extended family as her mother made the effort to come to Vienna to celebrate.

And then I went to Greece for a week to talk to the gods… what a trip. I love Hellada… so much that I really wonder why I’m going to Portugal 😉 But the gods told me to. I have another mission to accomplish… for the moment at least…

Vienna was rough but it was really worth it. I was able to see who my real friends are and who only pretended (for a long time) to be.

But moreover, Vienna was really worth it because the mother of our child and me, we finally talked – after 2 1/2 years. And for the first time it feels like things are truly moving into the right direction… slowly.

And the last couple of days were particularly crazy. First, I was told that my father might have lung metastases… a biopsy will show.

And then, that my brother, friend, master and apprentice Kambiz was put into jail as a ringleader of the demonstrations in Iran. We know what that means… definitely torture, possibly execution… I pray for him to stay strong.

Yesterday, I turned 44. Tomorrow I will do another deep healing ceremony, perfectly fitting into this moment in time.

While my last trip to Portugal was to explore the country, this one is to explore what I can manifest with my brother that I’ve initiated.

This is it… the next episode…

vox

I remember, when I changed my path in 2010 from healing work back into business consulting – to be able to “provide for me and my wife” – it was my choice but I told myself that it was necessary for me to do so. I had my “good reasons” – as we always do when we need to fool ourselves into doing something that is not ideal or even wrong.

And then, whatever I did, it always seemed not to be enough.

Not for my wife, neither for me, nor for my clients…

I always told myself “they” were wrong, although I knew better.

This was something that I “re-created” in my 30ies because it was a trauma that I grew up with – never being good enough, whatever I did…

We usually create situations in life to understand, learn from them and outgrow our traumas.

And what I truly learned from that experience is: When you are on the “wrong path” “it” will always not be enough, simply because it cannot be, since you need to change the path.

You can avoid it, bring “logical” reasons why, “overwrite” it.

Still, it will never be enough.

That’s why I changed back to the path I that is really mine, yet with a lot of valuable experiences from the path I rerouted to in 2010.

Today, when I farewelled my daughter for the next few weeks or months she started to ignore me and to have this look in her eyes – the way she always looks when she is pissed off with me. So I asked her “Are you angry with me?” and she clearly nodded. Her mum would tell me, that she is just tired, overwriting – as usual – the signs that our daughter want’s to spend considerably more time with me.

I can relate to her: She really tries hard to do everything she can to be the best mum she can be. It is exhaustive and still not enough. When it comes to “how much our daughter can see me” she is perhaps only calming her guilty consciousness with the (which I consider) homeopathic doses of contact time.

And of course she cannot really see it… it took me more than eight years to be able to see it, although so many friends kept telling me… although, deep inside I always knew the truth but didn’t know how to deal with it.

When you are on the wrong path, it will always not be enough and at some stage you become desperate, because you don’t know what else to do.

I might be wrong of course… the future will tell…

vox

Delphi

Saturday I started my trip to do a couple of rituals. On Evia I reconnected to nature again.

At Perachora at the temple of Hera I healed a family wound that haunted my family for 14 generations including me (and swam with the gods in the sea).

And then, I came to Delphi – my beloved Delphi where I met Zeus himself on my 42 birthday – to consult the gods.

Truly, Hellada, the land of the gods, the holy land, again you’ve intrigued me, stunned me and this time initiated me to another realm 🙏🏽

I’m truly blessed as no matter what I do or don’t, the gods are with me – in general in life and also in specific for the topic I came to consult them for.

If I get attacked, I will prevail. So will I if I attack. But the gods told me there is nothing more for me to do other than making a final offer. I can let go because I gave everything and paid my price. Now it’s for the others to pay their price.

And then the gods have initiated me to become a leader by example.

Oh dear gods, truly you are great, having beaten the King of Kings who thought he was a god too but you showed him that he was just arrogant.

Me, Ahasveros, I kneel down in front of these great gods, asking them for support and wisdom and ask for initiation into the circle of creators.

Creators of love…

light…

and life!

Me, Ahasveros, seek to be lead by the wisdom, the power, the fire, the water, the wind, the earth and the ether, lead by the gods, through my fire, my vision, through my willpower, through my actions in this life.

I seek for the guidance to continue from here on.

I dedicate my life to be a warrior of the heart to do what I burn for to do what is right and truthful and full of love, as a son, as a brother and as a father.

Especially for my daughter – my sun, my light!

vox