Life and Death

Vienna

When i came back to Vienna I wanted to stay for only two weeks. That was two months ago…

And when I thought things couldn’t get any crazier this year, November had even more craziness up its sleeve.

On Monday, November 2nd, I woke up with a servere heart pain and although I’m usually quite relaxed about pains in my body it felt a bit different than usual. So I visited the emergency room of Vienna’s general hospital.

Fortunately, I didn’t have a heart attack but had to stay even longer than planned in Vienna – postponing my flight to Athens for a third time (maybe fourth… I lost count 😉 – to have some further check-ups that week.

That evening at 8 pm, when I left a restaurant with a friend a big black suitcase in front of the restaurant came to his attention. He wondered why it was there. I joked “Perhaps it’s a bomb.” He was irritated by that joke so I continued telling him, that in intuition training people are trained to pay attention to stupid or strange jokes they make as it might be a hint of their subconsciousness that something is wrong. Just moments later I received the info about the terror attacks that had taken place in Vienna am 8 pm. Some call it coincidence. I call it synchronicity.

Crazy sh!t… we had a terrorist attack in Vienna for the first time. May the souls of the victims rest in peace…

That Friday I had my check-up with my cardiologist. He said that my heart has a similar condition that it already had after the separation of from ex-wife and that I should give myself a fair amount to rest not leave for Athens… damn… so I’ll keep some people there waiting even longer for me… and my next flight which was scheduled for today would eventually be postponed by Wizz Air another two times… so let’s see when I will be at the Aegean Sea again.

About the same time the video of my latest speech was finalized. I had that speech written for the one I love most and dedicated it to my mentor. “Coincidently” the speech had taken place on his birthday and was co-hosted by the Persian he had urged me years ago already to get in touch with to cooperate with – which we now eventually will. Some call it co-incidence… I call it synchronicity.

However, since it was only days after the terrorist attack, I refrained from promoting it not to be insensitive.

A few days later I had to sell my cryptos as I had to pay some invoices and needed some money to invest into my new project. I was hoping cryptos would stay fairly constant in the upcoming months so I could buy-in in a few months again… good joke…

And, finally, last week my father had urged me to come and visit my grandma I haven’t seen in a long time. She is 97 and not exactly very alive. It’s strange when you see someone about to die who perhaps hasn’t lived for a long time…

And then, on the 25th one of my childhood heroes, a god died…

So, from what I write one might think November was a very bad month for me. I wouldn’t necessarily see it that way. This month got me thinking a lot about life and death, of letting go of people I love, letting go of money, life-concepts, goals and dreams. I’m 42 now and a bit in a “strange” mood. I wonder what I still want to or need to achieve in this lifetime. Don’t get me: I’m not depressed… I just feel like… I’m done.

I remember when I turned 40, in a way it was the greatest birthday of my life. I felt like I was ready for the next stage, starting to unfold my full potential, potentially having a true impact with my speeches. Within the next 12 months of my birthday I would become a father and hold my most important public speech at TEDx.

And now I feel like there is nothing more for me I need to do in this life-time.

With my last speech some new doors opened up that would let me potentially become a public figure in Austria. But honestly speaking… I don’t give a sh!t anymore… I don’t give a damn about a society with values which I consider to be seriously ill anyway. A superficial “hashtag society” that is full of… where their true self is often exactly the opposite of what they represent with their hashtags. A society where it so much more important what you superficially represent and what look like on the outside. What about the inside?

Who cares 😉

What for shall I become part of this society? To become another Angelo Soliman? They had their Angelo already, they don’t need me. And also, I don’t want to be stuffed and put into a museum once I’m dead 😉

I remember my mentor once said: You’ll see, if you become famous, down the line everything will be about power, money and sex.

Well… what I start to realize – since I had a little sniff of that society in the last two years – is how right he was. And when I faced these faces of death this month, I started to understand on an even deeper level and in different dimensions what is really important in life…

vox