Hey Hermano!

When we first met I was 23. I had just graduated from university and was just about to start living the life I thought I had to. But then I met you 😉

Your path inspired me to live the life I love.

And then, 16 years later you suddenly reappeared in my life. You were still pursuing your dream while I had given up mine. And at that time I didn’t know what was soon to come up next – my separation that eventually led to my divorce.

During my darkest hours you supported me all the way through and although you had to leave Vienna for your work you delayed it and stayed longer just to be there for me…. Hermano, your support nurtured and saved me.

And with my recent challenges you did it once again 😉

You are a modern day wandering dervish, a healer and a humble pure soul.

You have inspired me and supported me over and over again. But most of all you showed me that living what you believe in is not a privilege… it’s a choice!

You think you owe me? Think again!




When I wrote Fate? I didn’t quite anticipate what life has in store for me.

Life always has other things in store then you expect… doesn’t it 😉

I was free to do and create whatever I wanted.

So I co-created… and now I will become the one thing I thought I would never be… I thought I never wanted to be…

Yet, unexpectedly this miracle of life fills my heart with great joy… life is the most beautiful gift that life could ever give me!

I will be father 😊


Those gifts least expected are the most precious ones 😜

Kambo Retreat

The Atlantic Ocean

Four weeks ago I arrived on the Canary Islands. The weeks before were a bit wild but as expected going on retreat was about the best thing I could do.

I love the work with Kambo. I mean what’s better then puking the hell out of your stomach 😜

With every purge layer by layer you leave behind some of your past… deep routed patterns, conditioning, trauma, etc.

Kambo is one of the most potent medicines for the body, mind and soul that I personally experienced.

So what did it do for me?

Well, not only that I found awareness about some of my ill-making patterns and was able to let them go. I experienced how strong my mind(fuck) really is. I saw THE light. I discovered the frequency of my heart.

Well let’s see what I’ll manifest next but first I’ll listen to the advice some of the great mystics gave in the past:

“If you believe to be enlightened, just spend a weekend with your family.”

I’m not enlightened but one thing I can say for sure:

One day I’ll look back to these 3 1/2 weeks and can tell how they shifted my life 😉


Making Love with Life

La Gomera

The moment my mind is quiet life is full of light.

With each inhale I take I inhale life.

With each exhale I create and in-spire.

I decide if I nourish myself with darkness or light.

In my last ceremony I experienced how enlightening life can be. It felt like I was making love to life…

I experienced how abundant with light life is 😊


Kambo Ceremony IX

Life’s a bitch… isn’t it?

It just won’t roll the way I want it to.

It’s just not the way I it could be…

Could be? Should be? Would be?

Everything would be perfect if only…

If? Only?

Yes, but…

Yes? But?!?

I want…

You want?

Well but…


Ahh, shut up… damn it… life’s a bitch 😉


Who’s to Blame 😜

I’m fascinated by Kambo and how it works through layers of physical and emotional blockages. My first five ceremonies where quite smooth, however, the last two were a bit rough.

So far the process was no inner fight but now that I have reached some deep blockages within me the game has changed.

In my last ceremony I was confronted with the topic of blame and guilt. These are two old companions of mine.

Looking back it seems to be quite obvious, however, although it is so, so far I was never able to see it.

Especially when I was young I used to take the blame for a lot of stuff I wasn’t guilty of. And as it naturally works I used to pass blame on to receptive people close to me.

Guilt is a very destructive emotion and blame an equally destructive trait! The former makes you heavy and not enjoy the beauty of life. The latter is poisonous even for the people who love you most.

Now that I am became aware I will practice to let go of it. Since it is a deep routed pattern it smight still be a companion for a while. But I think I found a way to contain it.

So, who’s to blame?

Well… I’ll rather enjoy the beauty of life then to search for the culprit 😉


Follow the Light

La Gomera

The last couple of weeks have been somewhat challenging and retreating from my life in Vienna was a good choice. Arriving on Tenerife I started to get into a different mood… a different mode staying with a dear friend.

Thursday, I transferred to Gomera. Here I’m living in a cool villa of a ’70s rockstar in a beautiful barranco. From my balcony I have a wicked view, seeing the awesome night-sky, constantly hearing strong atlantic waves as they hit the shore. I hardly ever go to the village – why should I? – living at this beautiful place in peace.

On Friday I started working with the Amazonian warrior doing Kambo ceremonies. I’m not sure what has changed but the ceremonies are less rough then last year’s and the effects seem to be much deeper.

Last year it would usually take me a half day to recover but now I’m fine within less then an hour. The last couple of days I would do Kambo ceremonies every morning. After some rest I meditate, do Qi Gong and read, watch or listen to inspiring stuff.

My mood has changed completely within these few days. I feel quite relaxed, free and wide again.

Looking back at the last couple of months I learn a lot about life, myself and my patterns.

Last year, while I was trippin at the Gomera Pan-o-rama festival I realized that wherever I put my focus on things start to “grow”. I had learned that by putting my focus on negative things in people and situations that the negative becomes bigger… and bigger. But when I put my focus on the light and love, the positive things grow.

Well, that might not be news to you but for me – being educated and working as a counselor – I have learned I need to process shit.

But you know what? Once you start processing it, it never ends. There is no end to things you can process in you or in others if you start to focus on it…. and along the way you might forget the love and light in life.

Last year, after my Pan-o-rama experience I thought I had left that pattern behind me for good and once I fell in love with a very special woman I started to solely focus on her light.

It was such a beautiful experience only poems could describe how it felt. But eventually once a seemingly challenging situation appeared my deep routed old patterns kicked in… again.

I have this habit that once I believe to see subconscious dynamics in challenging situations I start to explain them – trying to process stuff with creating awareness to avoid things to turn south. What happens in reality is that I create more shit by trying to process it – it’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy – manifesting the negative. And this is exactly what has happened the last couple of weeks.

Well, there is so many negative things in the world out there and although a lot of bad stuff happens I truly believe that it is my choice where I put my focus on. It is my choice what reality I create! It is my choice – without being naive or blind – to still put my focus on light!

Life is so beautiful… if I allow it to be. I love my dear friends… I love my companions… I love my life! And I love the new life I have co-created!

Follow the light!


Losing mySELF

I love seeing life through the eyes of other people. That’s how I expand my universe… traveling between different worlds… experiencing not only my life but the one of many people. 

That’s one of the reasons why I travel, became a counselor and usually fall in love with women who have a very different life than mine.

When I fall in love with people I dive deep into their lives. Sometimes to the point were they feel I get too close to them and often to the point where I lose myself along the way.

It’s just like the poem I shared in my last post “Shams“:

  I was him

  I’ve become him

  I’ve become without him

  I’ve become just like him

  for this

  I am with no face anymore.

I start to see things differently, act differently, think differently, feel differently and even the way I move changes.

In a way I could say I do lose myself along the way.

What I often experience on this path is a state of mind I call psychosis – it has nothing to do with the psychiatric diagnosis, though.

It essentially happens when I start to identify with what I feel, see, hear and do during that deep-dive into these different worlds.

Then, I start to forget who I really am for the moment.

But hey, although it sometimes feels dreadful while I’m in the middle of it, it helps me find my true self and understand who I really am once I retreat from these identifications.

Not only that I experience a new world, I also grow.

So next stop… retreat!



There are more fake guides and teachers in the world than stars. The real guide is the one who makes you see your inner beauty, not the one who wants to be admired and followed.


The other day, I had a conversation with a dear friend who recently had her spiritual emergence. She talked about someone who got infatuated with her. He told her the story of Shams and Rumi and that this was the way he loved. She said that he believed to be her Shams.

Who is Shams?

Shams-i-Tabrīzī is the one the – so called – master of Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī. The one Rumi deeply fell in love with on his path to enlightenment.

Before Rumi encountered Shams, he was a highly respected scholar and a conservative Imam.

When the Sun of Tabris met the Prophet of Love in Konya in 1244 they became passionately infatuated and locked themselves up in Rumi’s library for 40 days. Their encounter was so intense no-thing else besides was possible. The people around Rumi thought he had become intoxicated and insane.

In a way he did 😉

A poem describes Rumi’s path during these days as such:

I was him

I’ve become him

I’ve become without him

I’ve become just like him

for this

I am with no face anymore.

Hmm, it’s funny to me, my friend thought that – to her lover – she was Rumi. But to me it’s more likely that she is Shams for him.

You see at least for a Sufi, Shams is much more than a person.

Shams is a symbol.

A symbol of love and a symbol of this path to enlightenment.

Anyone can be Shams to you if you truly are infatuated with your Shams.

If you want to see the stars through his eyes.

If you want to love life through his heart.

You become one with him and then you become him.

And once you become him, you see light.

And then, when you see the light, you see your own light through his eyes…

And then…


Ya hagh