Going Back

73 days ago I left Vienna.

I left to reset.

I took a rough path and faced my own shit…

I met some very special people during this trip and learned from them, from nature and from life.

Especially the last three weeks working with the Amazonian Warrior went deep… real deep…

Life takes place in-between breaths

So let’s see what I’ll do for my next breath.

Well for now… going back… reALIty chEck


Back to Life

The Amazonian Warrior took me to a cave in the La Gomera mountains.

She sat with me while I took the medicine and entered a different dimension.

The medicine worked quickly and I started to pierce through the dimensions of time and space.

My experience was profound and there is no words for me to describe it.

Yet, a question arose:

How is it possible that we humans live against life?



About 30 minutes have passed since I started drinking water. I guess I had about 3,5 liters so far. My stomach feels nauseous… what else…

The Amazonian warrior burns small circles onto my arm as gate for the frog poison and puts the medicine on them.

It takes only a couple seconds… I feel heat in my body… pressure in my head… in my stomach…

I retch… nothing happens…

I retch again… some clear water comes out…

„Take 10 more sips of water“

Ok… I take ten…

I wait for a moment… and then… sudden release!

I vomit four times in a row… the first two times it is still clear water but with the third and fourth release… it is neon, yellow, green… poison and toxins from within…

„Take 15 more big sips of water… now“

Damn… it‘s just the beginning… why the hell did I think I wanted to do another ceremony?!?

Another release… three more times. The taste, the smell… horrible… bitter and like metall…

„Good job… take ten more sips“

Oh man, I feel sick. I can barely hold the bottle of water.

1 … 2 … 3 … 4 … 5 … 6 … 7 … 8 … 9 … 10 … 11 … 12 … 13 …

„Take another five“

Come on, I just had 13 instead of 10…

I drink, nothing happens… I hyperventilate… I moan in pain… my body is shaking… I hope I don‘t have to use my fingers…

„Use your fingers… gently“

Damn it!

I put my fingers down my throat to activate my vomiting reflex…

Nothing happens…

„One more time… with love“

With love… sure…


After about an hour and volmiting about eight liter of water and diarrhea, we are done.

I lie down.

„Good session… I see you on Saturday for the next.“

No way… I‘m devastated… never again!

I go into a trance… rapid eye movement…

I snap out of it… I feel weak but good… somehow I feel I’m becoming clearer and growing stronger!

And all that deep shit is getting out of my system…

I bow to the holy frog 🙏🏼


Let‘s roll 😜


Me Gomera Life

La Gomera

Since Pan-O-Rama I have somehow settled. I live in a paradise garden in the middle of Valle Gran Rey.

I have a room there… actually it is not really a room: there is no walls, no door, etc.

Two cats live with me. Although I live here for two weeks already they are still surprised when I enter my room. Well I guess in reality it is theirs. I am only their guest 😉

It‘s really beautiful. I wake up to twittering birds in the morning, do my Qi Gong and afterwards usually take my moped to the montains or forrests for a hike.

In the evenings I meet friends for dinner or concerts. There is quiet a lot of concerts – street concerts, bars with live music and there is The Gomera Lounge where also famous musicians perform.

The mix of people is interesting:

There is some real hippies living in caves, some hippies with golden credit cards, some spiritual people, quit a lot of healers, people who live here for the winter from all walks of life, people who emmigrated to this island, the usual tourists and Gomeros of course.

I do not try to socialize too much and still, I meet very interesting people. There are actually very special people around. Most people I meet I learn a lot or get gifts from… like my new hat 😊

Some of people come here for a week or two but stay for a few months.

I can understand why. Gomera life is beautiful, chilled out, amazing nature and a lot of good energy around. If you come here and let go and let things happen it can be a very special place.

Since last week I am finally able to execute my digital detox. Before, I did already abandon news and emails. But this week I was finally able to get offline – apart from writing my blog entries and using the messanger service I need to stay connected to the local community.

It was worth it. Being disconnected, I had a few important insights and quite some lucid dreams 😉

So now is the change of season and most people are leaving. On Monday I will retreat into silence for a week and attend a few shamanic ceremonies before I know what‘s up next.


Crash Test

La Gomera, Spain

Sometimes my ego is quite tricky…

Yesterday, I sat in the beautiful La Gomera woods and thought: „What‘s my next step?“

I played a round of Kelix to find out.

I drew the card „trust“…

Right… I forgot… I wanted to surrender…

Next step: Trust life!

Next stop: Surrender.

I take my moped back home… trust life… right… let’s see 😜

I accelerate to 50 on the slippery moutain road… bit more… 60… engine throttle… downhill… 70… 80… I enjoy the ride… right turn… immediate left turn… breaks… dirt on the road… @#%!… slide… crash barrier!

I‘m alive 🖖🏼

Trust life?

I only have a little scratch 🙏🏼

Lesson learned you lucky bastard?

Hmm… there is quite a difference between acting like an idiot and trusting life 😉

And yes, I know… next time I will go to hell ☺



Pan-O-Rama, La Gomera

Sometimes the dust needs to settle to see clearly…

When I arrived at the Pan-O-Rama festival Wendsday, there was calima – calima is Sahara sand up in the air – it basically looks like fog. Everybody said there is that beautiful panorama at the festival but there was only calima to see.

Friday I got up early before sunrise. I had some coffee and went strait to the dance floor 😉

My head went a bit funny so I sat on the sofa outside… looking at the calima-free view for the first time…

Sitting up on a high hill, in front below, from left to right – 180 degree – everywhere I looked there was the atlantic sea.

For a second I felt like a king sitting on his throne looking at his vast kingdome.

Suddenly a guy – dressed like a king‘s jester – started dancing like a fool in front of me.

I bursted out laughing. I laughed so hard that I had to cry 🤣


The jester became the mirrow of the life I had created over the last couple of years. How did I seriously think I would be able to live a happy life by creating the most restrictive life imaginable to me 😉

Once I stopped laughing, I knew I was responsible for everything that „happend to me“.

So rather than creating another life I guess the next stop is: Surrender 😉


An Unexpected Dance

La Gomera, Spain

Sometimes there are too many coincidances to say no…

Two days before I arrived at La Gomera, I talked to my DJ host on Teneriffa about his music and that I would dance with it. I told him how I celebrate life with dance.

Some of you who know me personally might be surprised… perhaps you have never seen me dance. I dislike ballroom or dinner party dance. I love that dance, where the body moves freely from within… moving to the pulse of life…

When I arrived at the La Gomera finca I booked a room the day earlier, I met an old aquaintance I learned holotropic breathwork with. It‘s funny, we had not seen each other in six years but I was thinking about him and his work just a couple of days earlier. He asked me if I was there for the Open Floor dance workshop that started that night.

Dance now? No way!

Even with the substance that makes me dance for hours in deep trance I wasn‘t able to dance with recently.

But then, that feeling in my gut came up that I sometimes have when something profound is just about to happen… It feels like, I don‘t want to do this, but I need to…

So I joined.

The first couple of days my memory of my last dance with my wife repeatedly came up. We went to the Ozora festival last summer. It somehow was an attempt to get us back on track. We didn‘t really connect…  apart from the night I was back on a trip… we had our final dance…

And then, on the fifth day of the Open Floor workshop, circular breathing did revive those deepest parts of my lungs I didn‘t fill with oxygen in a while. Tears dropped and breaked the ice… I let go…

My next dance was full of joy. I was able to celebrate the beauty of life… again 😊

Thanks to the master of ceremony,  Jonas – a true master of his arts – and the special group of people that joined, I had one of the most profound weeks of my life.

Now I had a couple of days of rest before the Pan-O-Rama trance festival will start tomorrow at La Gomera. I came here to hike but well, I guess, life wants me to celebrate 😉


The Atlantic Ocean

At the moment I am still in between different worlds – physically but also mentally.

My last weeks in Vienna were full of unexpected gifts and emotionally tormenting at the same time.

Some old friends suddenly reappeared in my life. Also the one – a traveller and healer – who 17 years ago inspired me to walk my own path. A circle is closing 😉 And I received a lot of support from family and friends.

And eventually an inconveniant truth helped me to let go and leave.

One week ago I arrived on Tranquillo Island. I lived with a great master of his own world, a grande DJ, a rebel and a genius. They were great hosts. All of them live in completely different worlds then me but we have some essential things in common.

I learned a lot from them. Foremost, that I don’t define friendships by interests or social background or status or whatever… but by the core values we share.

Some of my best friends live in completely different worlds then me, yet, we share the same core values and, moreover, we don‘t judge each other for who we are.

And then, on the ninth day of my trip I went into nature on my own for the first time.

I sat on volcanic rocks looking at the atlantic ocean.

Inspired by the scenary and the most beautiful voice I suddenly connected to life… again…

For one moment I felt the intensity of what it is like to love life. I felt what it was like when I once used to love my life…

When I was in tune…

Seeing all the unexpected gifts and wonders…

Feeling life‘s pulse…

And suddenly separation felt like a great teacher to me. Excepting what is, learning from the „mis-takes“ here and now.

So let‘s see what life will teach me next 😊

But, for now I will go off-line for some time.

Yet, before I do so I’m leaving with one message:

Love life!


Destructive Fear

There is that fear that helps me survive. It is the type of fear that protects me from dangerous situations. Perhaps you can also call it my inner voice, my intuition.

But then there is destructive fear. This type of fear is fear that blurs my sight. It blurs my feelings, my perception.

It clouds my senses. It makes me think and do things that are destructive.

Sometimes this fear takes full control over me. And once I am controlled by it, it seems like there is nothing I can do about it.

This type of fear is tricky. It becomes like a vicious circle. It makes things worse… and then even worser.

I once I made an exercise looking at this type of fear. „What is your biggest fear?“ And then you ask yourself what happens if this fear takes full effect. You often get to the point where you realize that what you are afraid of is not that bad. However, it can also get to the point where it get’s bad… really bad…

What I realized doing that exercise was that what I was afraid of was what I actually did already create in my life. In a way my biggest fear initiated a self-fulfilling prophecy.

That’s the tricky bit about it. Although that fear might not be reality at first, eventually it will become reality, just because I allow it subconsciously to take over control.

The first step to conquer my fear is by acknowledging it. Then I go right into it. Because if I don’t do it, I am dead before death.

When people ask me about my take on spirituality I always give the same answer: Spirituality is not about angels and feel-good. Quite the opposite… on a deep level it’s the path along pain and fear!

Yeah, but there is also light… at the end of the tunnel.


The Path of Sin (world of vox – part II)

Looking back on how I experience life I can say one thing: I believe in personally experiencing almost everything.

I do learn a lot through reading and other people’s experiences but also through my culture, society’s norms and spiritual traditions.

However, I mostly learn from travelling, trippin and personally experiencing…  the quality of my understanding is on a very different level… much deeper…

I neither believe in dogma nor in suppressing what I feel like I need to do.

I believe that everything is good, as long as I bare with the consequences!

So I had to learn a lot the hard way and the price was usually high that I needed to pay.

This is the only true way I know how to learn… learn from life about my values and my true nature.

Wise are those (wo)men who know when it is right to break a rule.

So to grow wise I committed almost every sin. Often the consequences were very painful and sometimes the price was too high but living my own truth is what I did eventually win.