Me Gomera Life

La Gomera

Since Pan-O-Rama I have somehow settled. I live in a paradise garden in the middle of Valle Gran Rey.

I have a room there… actually it is not really a room: there is no walls, no door, etc.

Two cats live with me. Although I live here for two weeks already they are still surprised when I enter my room. Well I guess in reality it is theirs. I am only their guest 😉

It‘s really beautiful. I wake up to twittering birds in the morning, do my Qi Gong and afterwards usually take my moped to the montains or forrests for a hike.

In the evenings I meet friends for dinner or concerts. There is quiet a lot of concerts – street concerts, bars with live music and there is The Gomera Lounge where also famous musicians perform.

The mix of people is interesting:

There is some real hippies living in caves, some hippies with golden credit cards, some spiritual people, quit a lot of healers, people who live here for the winter from all walks of life, people who emmigrated to this island, the usual tourists and Gomeros of course.

I do not try to socialize too much and still, I meet very interesting people. There are actually very special people around. Most people I meet I learn a lot or get gifts from… like my new hat 😊

Some of people come here for a week or two but stay for a few months.

I can understand why. Gomera life is beautiful, chilled out, amazing nature and a lot of good energy around. If you come here and let go and let things happen it can be a very special place.

Since last week I am finally able to execute my digital detox. Before, I did already abandon news and emails. But this week I was finally able to get offline – apart from writing my blog entries and using the messanger service I need to stay connected to the local community.

It was worth it. Being disconnected, I had a few important insights and quite some lucid dreams 😉

So now is the change of season and most people are leaving. On Monday I will retreat into silence for a week and attend a few shamanic ceremonies before I know what‘s up next.


Crash Test

La Gomera, Spain

Sometimes my ego is quite tricky…

Yesterday, I sat in the beautiful La Gomera woods and thought: „What‘s my next step?“

I played a round of Kelix to find out.

I drew the card „trust“…

Right… I forgot… I wanted to surrender…

Next step: Trust life!

Next stop: Surrender.

I take my moped back home… trust life… right… let’s see 😜

I accelerate to 50 on the slippery moutain road… bit more… 60… engine throttle… downhill… 70… 80… I enjoy the ride… right turn… immediate left turn… breaks… dirt on the road… @#%!… slide… crash barrier!

I‘m alive 🖖🏼

Trust life?

I only have a little scratch 🙏🏼

Lesson learned you lucky bastard?

Hmm… there is quite a difference between acting like an idiot and trusting life 😉

And yes, I know… next time I will go to hell ☺



Pan-O-Rama, La Gomera

Sometimes the dust needs to settle to see clearly…

When I arrived at the Pan-O-Rama festival Wendsday, there was calima – calima is Sahara sand up in the air – it basically looks like fog. Everybody said there is that beautiful panorama at the festival but there was only calima to see.

Friday I got up early before sunrise. I had some coffee and went strait to the dance floor 😉

My head went a bit funny so I sat on the sofa outside… looking at the calima-free view for the first time…

Sitting up on a high hill, in front below, from left to right – 180 degree – everywhere I looked there was the atlantic sea.

For a second I felt like a king sitting on his throne looking at his vast kingdome.

Suddenly a guy – dressed like a king‘s jester – started dancing like a fool in front of me.

I bursted out laughing. I laughed so hard that I had to cry 🤣


The jester became the mirrow of the life I had created over the last couple of years. How did I seriously think I would be able to live a happy life by creating the most restrictive life imaginable to me 😉

Once I stopped laughing, I knew I was responsible for everything that „happend to me“.

So rather than creating another life I guess the next stop is: Surrender 😉


An Unexpected Dance

La Gomera, Spain

Sometimes there are too many coincidances to say no…

Two days before I arrived at La Gomera, I talked to my DJ host on Teneriffa about his music and that I would dance with it. I told him how I celebrate life with dance.

Some of you who know me personally might be surprised… perhaps you have never seen me dance. I dislike ballroom or dinner party dance. I love that dance, where the body moves freely from within… moving to the pulse of life…

When I arrived at the La Gomera finca I booked a room the day earlier, I met an old aquaintance I learned holotropic breathwork with. It‘s funny, we had not seen each other in six years but I was thinking about him and his work just a couple of days earlier. He asked me if I was there for the Open Floor dance workshop that started that night.

Dance now? No way!

Even with the substance that makes me dance for hours in deep trance I wasn‘t able to dance with recently.

But then, that feeling in my gut came up that I sometimes have when something profound is just about to happen… It feels like, I don‘t want to do this, but I need to…

So I joined.

The first couple of days my memory of my last dance with my wife repeatedly came up. We went to the Ozora festival last summer. It somehow was an attempt to get us back on track. We didn‘t really connect…  apart from the night I was back on a trip… we had our final dance…

And then, on the fifth day of the Open Floor workshop, circular breathing did revive those deepest parts of my lungs I didn‘t fill with oxygen in a while. Tears dropped and breaked the ice… I let go…

My next dance was full of joy. I was able to celebrate the beauty of life… again 😊

Thanks to the master of ceremony,  Jonas – a true master of his arts – and the special group of people that joined, I had one of the most profound weeks of my life.

Now I had a couple of days of rest before the Pan-O-Rama trance festival will start tomorrow at La Gomera. I came here to hike but well, I guess, life wants me to celebrate 😉


The Atlantic Ocean

At the moment I am still in between different worlds – physically but also mentally.

My last weeks in Vienna were full of unexpected gifts and emotionally tormenting at the same time.

Some old friends suddenly reappeared in my life. Also the one – a traveller and healer – who 17 years ago inspired me to walk my own path. A circle is closing 😉 And I received a lot of support from family and friends.

And eventually an inconveniant truth helped me to let go and leave.

One week ago I arrived on Tranquillo Island. I lived with a great master of his own world, a grande DJ, a rebel and a genius. They were great hosts. All of them live in completely different worlds then me but we have some essential things in common.

I learned a lot from them. Foremost, that I don’t define friendships by interests or social background or status or whatever… but by the core values we share.

Some of my best friends live in completely different worlds then me, yet, we share the same core values and, moreover, we don‘t judge each other for who we are.

And then, on the ninth day of my trip I went into nature on my own for the first time.

I sat on volcanic rocks looking at the atlantic ocean.

Inspired by the scenary and the most beautiful voice I suddenly connected to life… again…

For one moment I felt the intensity of what it is like to love life. I felt what it was like when I once used to love my life…

When I was in tune…

Seeing all the unexpected gifts and wonders…

Feeling life‘s pulse…

And suddenly separation felt like a great teacher to me. Excepting what is, learning from the „mis-takes“ here and now.

So let‘s see what life will teach me next 😊

But, for now I will go off-line for some time.

Yet, before I do so I’m leaving with one message:

Love life!


Destructive Fear

There is that fear that helps me survive. It is the type of fear that protects me from dangerous situations. Perhaps you can also call it my inner voice, my intuition.

But then there is destructive fear. This type of fear is fear that blurs my sight. It blurs my feelings, my perception.

It clouds my senses. It makes me think and do things that are destructive.

Sometimes this fear takes full control over me. And once I am controlled by it, it seems like there is nothing I can do about it.

This type of fear is tricky. It becomes like a vicious circle. It makes things worse… and then even worser.

I once I made an exercise looking at this type of fear. „What is your biggest fear?“ And then you ask yourself what happens if this fear takes full effect. You often get to the point where you realize that what you are afraid of is not that bad. However, it can also get to the point where it get’s bad… really bad…

What I realized doing that exercise was that what I was afraid of was what I actually did already create in my life. In a way my biggest fear initiated a self-fulfilling prophecy.

That’s the tricky bit about it. Although that fear might not be reality at first, eventually it will become reality, just because I allow it subconsciously to take over control.

The first step to conquer my fear is by acknowledging it. Then I go right into it. Because if I don’t do it, I am dead before death.

When people ask me about my take on spirituality I always give the same answer: Spirituality is not about angels and feel-good. Quite the opposite… on a deep level it’s the path along pain and fear!

Yeah, but there is also light… at the end of the tunnel.


The Path of Sin (world of vox – part II)

Looking back on how I experience life I can say one thing: I believe in personally experiencing almost everything.

I do learn a lot through reading and other people’s experiences but also through my culture, society’s norms and spiritual traditions.

However, I mostly learn from travelling, trippin and personally experiencing…  the quality of my understanding is on a very different level… much deeper…

I neither believe in dogma nor in suppressing what I feel like I need to do.

I believe that everything is good, as long as I bare with the consequences!

So I had to learn a lot the hard way and the price was usually high that I needed to pay.

This is the only true way I know how to learn… learn from life about my values and my true nature.

Wise are those (wo)men who know when it is right to break a rule.

So to grow wise I committed almost every sin. Often the consequences were very painful and sometimes the price was too high but living my own truth is what I did eventually win.


world of vox (part I)

In my world there is nobody to blame.
There is cause and effect.

In my world there is no coincidence.
There is  karma.

In my world there is no judgement.
There is  understanding.

In my world there are no borders.
There is  freedom.

In my world there is no mistakes.
There is accountability.

In my world everything is good… as long as we bare with the consequences.

In my world love, openness and trust rule…



Vienna, Austria

Friday I decided to do a vision quest and made a visit to my local ethnobotanical store. I told them about my current situation. They suggested ibogaine to me.

Ibogaine is a natural psychedelic from an African root. Although it has psychoactive effects it is legal in Austria. It is generally used for various pharmacological or ritualistic purposes.

Ibogaine connects you to your own truth, your inner voice. Eventually you will hear a clear voice that will guide you through the process. And once you see your thoughts pass by you start to understand why and where they come from. And eventually it can reset your brain.

When I started On A Trip more then 11 years ago, one of my friends from Australia send me his review of his ibogaine ceremony in Thailand. Then, I was fascinated by his experience and wanted to try it as well… so after eleven years the circle is complete 😉

I decided to do the session on my own – without a trip-sitter – something I wouldn’t suggest to anyone. But it felt like the right time for me to do the ceremony.

I prepared my healing room (my revamped former living room) and about 3 pm I started the ceremony. About 30 minutes later I started to feel strong energy flowing effects in my body. After about an hour I had light hallucinations.

So when my first memories came up I was able to grasp a fact: I started recalling memories when something would feel painful to me. Rather than feeling pain I reflect. This was not new to me but through the ibogaine process I could finally grasp it in a different way and deal with it.

I recalled my relationship and how it emerged. I was able to see myself through my wife’s eyes. It was an interesting experience 😉

We used to have a deep love connection and potential with each other. However, we did not make the best out of it. Quite the opposite.

And then I felt an incredible pain. Through feeling the pain I suddenly stopped suffering. This was the first time in my life I would rather feel pain than suffer.

Along the way I got a bit impatient that the „truth-voices“ were not guiding me. I had booked a vision quest ticket, not a lovesickness trip 😉

When I snapped out of a deep trance I could suddenly hear the voice clearly.

I was surprised how clearly and precisely the voice would answer my questions.

Its truth was sometimes painful but sometimes liberating.

Once my trip ended about 30 hours later I started feeling good. Really good. Really?

We’ll see… but it felt different somehow.

Truth creates suffering only if we don’t accept it.



More than 10 years have passed…

What has happened ever since?

Although my initial trip to Iran was a deeply healing experience for me, eventually I became so arrogant. I thought I could defy the „laws of life“ everyone is constrained by. The positive and spiritual experience also dipped into empowering my ego. When I came back from Iran I lost my humbleness. And I broke relationships with some of my best friends.

And then, when I went back to Iran with two big suitcases to reunite with the love of my life and to ask her father for her hand in marriage, I determined my path for the next 10 years to come.

Eventually, I married her and returned to Vienna to live there and to be able to provide for her. But then something happened that I did not expect: For being able to live with her and to provide for her, I started to change my personal path in life – a barefoot doctor lives a very modest life 😉

She did not expect all of that from me. If anything, she always asked me not to change my path for her. But to become a „good husband“, I believed I had to give up almost everything for my love but moreover, for myself. And along the way, I lost myself and became a bad husband and an awful companion. I lost my humbleness. I lost my flow. I was „out of sync“ with life.

I grew weaker and weaker!

I made myself a victim of my love, my new life, my new obligations.

I grew needy, I poisoned myself, I started to hate my life, I became a zombie and numb. And I became so frustrated with my life and myself.

Somehow I regressed into a child-like state!

Gone were the days when I traveled the world with a small backpack. The day’s when I only needed a torch, a knife, a sleeping bag, three t-shirts and two pants and my acupuncture needles 😉 Suddenly my priorities changed and I exchanged these things with a car, a nice apartment, a big flatscreen TV, the latest iPhone, tailor-made suits, a Montblanc pen and other stuff I never had considered to have any value to me. And I became fat – really fat.

I started various projects. Many of them were successful but none of them sustainable. Looking back now it is obvious why: I started to fool myself, to clown myself and not to be true to myself no more. I started to force things to happen, rather than accepting what life had to offer to me, accepting what is here and now.

Some of my friends were highly irritated. They did not understand what had happened to me. And my wife… she somehow thought she was deceived by me and that the guy she originally met, never really existed.

I lost respect for myself. My wife lost respect for me and even some of my closest friends started treating me disrespectfully.

Remember King Théoden who was poisoned by Wormtongue and grew weaker and weaker until Gandalf cast a spell on him so he returned to his senses?

In my case Gandalf was my wife. And her „spell“ was her telling me she leaves me.

At first I was in horror of the nightmare I have created for my wife and myself for the last 10 years. Don’t misunderstand me, I learned a lot, however, I created a world of self-pity, self-sabotage, misfortune, failure and dissatisfaction.

But now has come the time to stop pitting my life and myself.

I have no time to waste no more. I have no time for ‚maybes‘ anymore.

I’m the creator of my life!


No, trippin again…

I’m back 😜