The last couple of weeks reached a new level of “interesting”.
My process is quite intense. I’m just about to have the most important speech of my life and at the same time I was so engaged with my self and my wounds recently that preparing for TEDx was just a side stage.
TEDx just a side stage?
Well, in the last weeks almost every morning I woke up with a strong sensation in and around my heart. And almost every single moment I was conscious, I missed my child…
My verbal re-actions to my core wounds can be intense. And they led the mother of my child to exclude me from the pregnancy.
Well, in her defense I must tell you this story: Once – when I was in Nepal – a mob of approximatly 20 men were about to attack me. In an act of self-defense I yelled at them so hard that I scared them away.
And hell yeah… if I can scare away a mob of men with my words a pregnant woman must be shit scared when she (unknowingly) touches my wounds and sees how I react in “self-defense”.
So, I take full responsibility for my reactions and don’t blame her.
But still, it was painful that her truth now is that she needs to protect our child and herself from me… from me? Seriously?!?
And it was even more painful for me that I cannot see how my daughter grows inside her belly. It was painful to know that my baby will not be there, when I hold the most important speech of my life.
But the beauty of that pain was that my baby was with me for every conscious moment I was. And the whole situation taught me a lot about me, my traumas, my reactions and my core wounds but most of all it showed me how much I love her.
So these last couple of weeks taught me who I really am. And now I’m cool. I mean, of course I would prefer to see my baby but I have started to accept reality.
So it’s time to move on!
I’m sitting in the train now for the grand rehearsal at TEDx. It is an irony of fate that I didn’t just get invited to any TEDx event but this very one. It is not only the birth-town of my child’s mother but also used to be the capital of the political party that coined my Austrian identity 😉
And tomorrow when my entourage arrives they will celebrate life with me and once I walk on this stage I’ll show the world my true self… mask off 😳
And when I talk about the future of humanity, seers and open minds, some will see a lunatic… others will see a crazy mothafucka 😜🤙🏼😉