The week before I got divorced a sufi master told me “Your heart is so big, it is not meant to love and heal only one person! You should be happy that it will be free again soon.”
I was confused when he said that. I didn’t quite know what he meant.
A year later, I wrote “Wanna Roll with Me” where I layed out how intensely I love and what I expect from a woman I wanna roll with. Then, I was still thinking of myself only loving one person.
However, ever since I became true to myself again multiple healers and mystics have told me how “special” my heart is and that I heal through my heart… through my heart energy… through love… platonic or physical…
Truth is, I love intensely. And this type of love is not meant to last forever in this intensity. It is also not about building a relationship, it is meant to heal. Heal myself and the other.
Once the healing has reached it’s pinnacle, it is the time to let go. Not to let go of the other but the idea of a conventional relationship with each other. The past has shown me again and again that holding on to what is not meant to be a conventional relationship or conventional friendship, inflicts more pain, suffering and wounds than the initial healing.
What I wrote in “Wanna roll with me” is still perfectly true, yet – it might happen one day – but I’m not looking for a relationship… I am looking a muse.
A muse is a goddess that inspires me, that loves me, who’s love heals my wounds, who’s inspiration makes my heart wide open and let’s it radiate even more. A goddess who follows my invitation to go on a deep spiritual journey encountering me in the depth of the sea as one.
In union, we are one, two hearts opening, becoming one, healing as one. The muse becomes the lover, the lover becomes the muse. In the moment of union, there is no lover and no muse, there is only one.
Just like The Sun of Tabriz and the Prophet of Love became one for 40 days…
And then, as the story goes, the lover and the muse who – in union – becomes the lover and the lover becomes her muse, part.
But not indefinitely.
They become two individual suns again that radiate even stronger than before. They are self-determined, authentic and true to themselves and the other(s). They live their own authentic truth, walking on their own authentic paths.
They part in love and then unite again and again and again…
Although when they unite again they know the intensity will never be like at their first encounter, depth will eventually replace that intensity.
It is no longer that burning intensity of lightning hitting you hard but the deep blaze of the sun that nourishes each other and inspires one another.
Two suns, that are free, authentic for themselves and love and inspire each other.
This is the way I used to love muses before I gave in societal conditioning by marrying but now I eventually might have found another one.