Leaving Koh Phangan

Leaving Koh Phangan

Surat Thani, Thailand

Today I left Koh Phangan.

For the last two months I’ve lived on this island. I encountered a few good people, had many good experiences and mentally I’ve finally arrived in Asia.

So this is the end of the beginning of my trip!

I benefited a lot from the yoga course although I considered it to be only warming-up for deeper spiritual experiences and practice to come. In the beginning I really liked my school. There were some good people and I liked the teachers a lot, both being new to teaching. Apart from that I had many good experiences giving my fellow students treatments.

When I left the yoga school I was disillusioned as one of the school’s most advanced teachers arrived to take over classes.

I came to conclude that I ended up in a “spiritual” gang-bang club. I am not sure they know what tantra(-yoga) is really about… but maybe I just don’t know 😉

Maybe I’m doing them unjust… who knows…

So last week I returned to Cat Island. I felt different. I had finally arrived! I wasn’t phobic anymore. I wasn’t so heady anymore… I was… relaxed?

This time I did really enjoy everything… it was beautiful… it was real good!

And now the warming-up is over… two months is quite enough!

I’m heading towards Chaiya where I will do a ten day Buddhist retreat. No talking, no reading, no writing… meditation for ten days.

It is my first time so I’m really looking forward to this… especially since it’s been a long time since I wanted to do it!

More than four years ago I was searching for a retreat on the Internet after my relationship then broke up. I never ended up doing the retreat but I read about shiatsu for the first time which eventually lead me onto my new path and this trip…

So this is it… finally!




Cat Island

Cat Island, Independent Island

Yesterday my friend Moses and I were on a trip in the rocky part of Cat Island.

We left as men and returned as tree-hugging hippies…

Non of us had ever climbed before so we looked up to these grand rocks respectfully.

Slowly we overcame our fears as we treated these rocks with great respect… treating nature with great respect…

Soon we climbed around barefooted feeling everything… feeling alive…

We explored life around us and within… gazing at the horizon…

…embracing nature, inhaling life…

Only a poet could truly describe what I have felt like and experienced…

And I’m no poet!

Though one thing I can say is:

Life is beautiful!



Koh Phangan, Thailand

On this day one year ago I had my first exam of six to come in the following nine weeks…

It was like hell!

A few white hairs remind me of these nine weeks and everything that happened during that time…

In a way it is funny… looking back today I become nostalgic. My mind is sick!

Today it was a friend of mine who reminded me of these weeks by talking about all the stress she has at the moment… and she really does… but perhaps in a year she’ll also be nostalgic about it…

So maybe it is not only my mind that is so sick…


Fast Forward

First stop: Khao San Road… backpacker’s gateway to Asia!

Lots of people, sounds, visual impressions, odours… spices, garbage, air pollution…


Four days later: Koh Phangan, the Full-moon- Party!

Ten thousand people drunk, stoned, trippin, in ecstasy… sounds good!


No, no… people are so fucked up! Passing out, fights, accidents, rapes… and every time someone gets killed… welcome to the biggest beach party in the world! It’s almost anarchy… almost!

But apart from that it’s real fun 😉

Chill out… finally!

Cat Island: good people, good vibes… peace… backpacker’s paradise!

Suddenly, space and time obey different rules!

No stress, no worries… everything’s fine!

I take a hit…

… everything’s fine?!?

Am I happy? Am I really happy with my life?

I should be! Chilling out on a tropical island after two years of pure stress… just at the beginning of possibly the best trip of my life and everything is possible… everything!


Maybe but maybe I’m simply a slave to my mind! A slave to my fears? My subconsciousness? My biography?

A slave to society’s expectations? My family’s expectations? My own expectations?

A slave to my cultures? My belief? My morals? My ideology? My ethnicity?

A slave to my addictions? To consumption? The retirement fund system? To Hollywood?

No, no… I’m not a slave! I just want to be!

It’s a good excuse!

Take another hit…

Going back to my bungalow… what will I find this time… a spider, a scorpion, a snake…

I’m a slave to my phobias!

Two weeks of paradise and then… Tantra-Yoga… four weeks to come… yoga meditation within the tantra system.

Some good people there, some strange people there…

I still cannot get in sync! Strange feelings and thoughts… I still haven’t arrived in Thailand yet…

A week passes by! A powerful healer arrives. One of the most powerful type! A healer who’s mere presence has healing effects…




Once upon a time not long ago there was a little neurotic soul on a trip…

To go on the trip, this little neurotic soul had to leave everything behind so he could search for… something… he didn’t know what… himself maybe?

So he started the trip in Bangkok and soon he had to learn something essential about himself: He was a Muslim!

At least in other people’s perception.

For some strange reason this was news to him, because he never considered himself to be a Muslim.

Anyhow, since he claimed to be Persian, most people considered him to be Iranian, so therefore he was not only a Muslim, but potentially a terrorist!

And since he lived almost his entire life in Austria, to some people he was not only a terrorist but also a Nazi!

But in fact our little neurotic soul was quite lucky… he could have also been Palestinian-German – or American…

Moreover, to most of the people he met, he didn’t look Persian, he looked Israeli – and Israelis are quite popular among travellers and locals 😉

Then again, all of this could have been just a mind trip!

So this is it: The story of a little neurotic soul… on some kind of a trip…

People do have some strange ideas…