Category: Uncategorized

Vienna

What a special day…

A seven year cycle was closing as seven years earlier I initiated my new life by going to OZORA for the first time.

Seven years later, I would close that cycle by being an artist/healer at Boom.

What a special day…

One year earlier I was baptised in the lake of Boomland with the name of Ahasveros.

One year later I was using that name as my artist name at Boom.

What a special day…

That day, I lost my fire-agate ring at the communion performance with Momo… my most precious ring, that also used to be my master ring for twelve years.

Twelve days later – dancing with the gods in OZORA – I realized it was my gift to Momo of our mystical union.

I have the habbit to wear rings that are precious to me for some time and pass them on to a person I love… with my energy and experience.

And when I lost that ring on 23.07.23 I believed this one I would never pass on.

Boom Festival 2023…

I invited Momo to join me as my co-artist for my Sufi breathwork and whirling meditation. He is a cacao ceremony facilitator and ecstatic dance DJ.

Before Boom, we hardly had time to meet and prepare. At Boom we connected deeply and spend a lot of time together.

Momo is a heart brother. He is love. He radiates love.

On Sunday, July 23rd 2023 at 7 pm we had our performance together at Chi Temple.

We were quite curious to see how many people would join us to such an event. We didn’t expect too much as it was announced as a meditation, not an ecstatic dance combined with sufi meditations.

At seven we started. I asked Momo to open the ceremony and then he passed the word to me…

“Doorood Boom… a Sufi is one who sees life through the heart… a Sufi is one who lives truth through love!”

I continue explaining the Sufi breathwork and the whirling.

And then, Momo puts the music on for the meditations…

At the beginning the Chi Temple was already quite full… during the meditations it continued to fill up.

From whirling we shift towards the ecstatic dance.

The frequency went super-high quickly. Not only the crowd started to experience ecstasy but also Momo and me, we were ecstatic and drunk by the frequency.

The crowd exploded, the temple was packed – as more and more people were attracted by the frequency – and as more people started to join, they started to dance all around the temple too.

When the ceremony was over, everyone was super-high, super-ecstatic. People would come to us, hug us, thank us, express their gratitude, telling us it was their “Boom Moment 2023” – some even said ever. Over the course of the final three days at the festival people would continue to approach us and thank us.

And still now, four weeks later, people keep sending us messages like this one we just received:

“We joined Chi Temple where you played because we were captivated by the music and the JOY of the people dancing …. The music and the moment were so beautiful that we cried out of joy for 20 minutes after the end of the mediation. Thank you and the Sufi master for making us feel this unconditional love with so many people at the same time, the merging between all of us was…. magical! Thank you again, LOVE”

When the stage facilitators came to us telling us that our ceremony was the best one on that stage thus far, we realised that really something special had happened and it was not just us feeling high by the frequency.

We were super high out of joy and ecstasy having created and experienced what we did.

And then I realised, after thirteen years I lost the ring that used to be my master ring for twelve years. The last ring I got as a bachelor… the ring I wore during my divorce opening up my new life… the ring I wore during my TEDx speech… the ring I wore when I witnessed the birth of my daughter.

It kinda was an irony that I lost that ring that was forged by a Sufi during that Sufi ceremony.

Instantly, I said “I guess it was not supposed to be mine any longer. Whoever finds it will be blessed and enjoy it.”

Eventually, someone would find it that night and give it back to me. But I knew losing it was a sign and it was not mine any longer…

Later, when I sat with Momo, I looked at my ring and pulled it off my finger.

“I believe it was no coincidence that I lost it… it is time to pass it on…”

I hand him over the ring.

“A Sufi master has forged it! Now, you are a Sufi brother”

Three nights later, the final night at Boom, we met just before I went to rest early so I could leave early the next morning to meet my daughter.

“We’ll call it Sufi Ecstatic… let’s carry that medicine out into the world.”

Twelve days later at OZORA in the middle of my dance I realise that not just something new was born on 23.7.23… by gifting that ring to Momo, it was our mystic union… like Rumi meeting Shams…

Ahasveros

Vienna

The last four weeks were so intense, I’m just starting to integrate now.

When I arrived at OZORA Festival on Monday evening, I had a bad welcome and start already at the gate.

After that magical Boom experience, I felt like was in the wrong film. Through filters, I only saw drunk Berlin hipsters who joined as tourists at one of the best “parties” in the world.

When I woke up in the morning, I decided to drive to Heviz to chill at the hot springs and give OZORA another try after.

I returned on Wednesday evening. Immediately met some friends, including my best friend Nora, and had a much better start.

It was supposed to rain hard from Friday on, so I decided to just stay and have a last sun-dance with Astrix on Friday noon and the call it a psytrance summer.

When Astrix played, I went in, dancing “The Dance”. It was nice, yet, not the dance I’m used to, dancing and talking to the gods.

Afterward, I chilled in a hammock near the main stage for about an 1 1/2 hours while Darwish had his set on, being convinced I would leave soon.

When E-Clip started, the vibe dragged me to the main stage again. I thought I’d have another short dance.

What happened then was unprecedented…

Basically, I wouldn’t stop dancing for the next 60 hours.

People keep asking me which festival is better, OZORA or Boom.

I used to say: You can’t compare… both have a different character…

But after this summer, I say:

Boom is perhaps the “better” festival overall, but OZORA Main stage… it’s another dimension…

My step counter shows that after two weeks of dancing at two festivals, in my final 62 hours I danced the equivalent of more than two marathons (about 90 km) over the last three days with about 12 hours of sleep during that stint… me somebody who cannot even run a five-kilometer run in one go…

The way this endurance was possible was simply that I allowed my body to hyperventilate throughout my dance and instead of 800 ml of water, I actually had an extra 2 liter water pack in my backpack.

What had happened was indescribable. I celebrated life – all the gifts and blessings I receive through life – through this dance. I talked to the gods as I do in Delphi, and the gods talked to and danced with me. Every time I was about to quit, they whispered another epiphany about the beauty of my life into my ears, so I couldn’t stop dancing. I danced out of appreciation… out of joy…

I had so many deep epiphanies, about my wedding at Boom, the gratitude I feel for the mother and grandmother of my child, contacting Stanislav Grof before he passes away to get his blessing of how I would like to use his work in my way and much, much more…

I connected to so many beautiful souls and made beautiful friendships. People would come up to me – many of them recognising me from ceremony at Boom – wanting hugs and my blessings. Some of them started crying when I hugged them, some of them bowed down to me out of gratitude, Some even fell to their knees.

I bow down to all of them… we humans are all flawed but so beautiful…

And I was grateful to them as they reflected to me, that I finally stopped pretending to be…

I am…

Ahasveros

Vienna

Over the last nine months I made a lot of effort to see my daughter regularly. I had hoped that my efforts would be honored by being able to see my daughter in a vacation-like setting. That was not the case.

Since Friday I’m back to Vienna and started to make appointments. Usually I do so with my best friends here. But yesterday, I realised that I only make appointments with all of my mentors, psychics and guides that I was guided by over the last 25 years. At the same time I am reading all of the emails, messages and listen to audiofiles I have with the mother of my child.

I have a big decision to make… possibly the biggest of my life. Shall I finally break my silence about what really happened and make everything transparent? This is a decision that will have a major influence, especially on my child, but also her mother and me.

Because some of the things that have happened and have been said are CRAZY SHIT… like seriously surreal shit…

I realised what’s subconsciously going on inside me just now when I send my first mentor a message. The one I have first consulted 29 years ago and haven’t seen in more than a decade.

Writing this, I realise it’s time for me to consult the gods again…

It’s time for me to go to Delphi.

But before, I hope to be to able to celebrate my daughters birthday with her mother, her grandmother and my whole family. Sometimes miracles happen, when people come to celebrate a miracle…

Ahasveros

I have the tendency to feel attraced to women that are far from “normal”.

This time it was a woman called Kat. And she is not just called Kat but behaves like a cat.

Apart from that she is a Santsang teacher, highly sensitive and sees a lot when she touches people.

She said something unexpected to me “Your heart is so big, your love is initiating and healing people.”

Over the last couple of weeks we got very close and our exchange reached a deepth I hardly ever experienced.

In the end she stayed until I left for Boom so we started working almost daily with each other.

These weeks eventually became some of the most beautiful of my life but also beautiful things come to an end.

I’m grateful for what we have experienced ltogether and I will always honor this cat.

Ahasveros

I tell the medicine man about my Bufo experience and how deep it went and how much had changed since.

The other Bufo shaman said I was a powerful activator and that I carried a lot of deep shit of other people inside of me and that I was able to release in the ceremony. I asked him what an activator is, believing he referenced Human Design “One that helps other to freedam!” he said and adds “Like Morpheus”

I told my Kambo shaman that something has changed inside of me. I have the clarity that I would like to go much deeper on the medicine path.

And then we did Kambo.

“This time was very deep!” he said “The medicine goes deep in you. You are ready to be initated into Kambo in September if you like. It is three Kambo sessions in two hours.”

“It would be an honor!” I reply.

“And if you want, I will take you with a handful of people to Peru next spring and let you be initiated at the source by a powerful medicine man.” he responds.

“If the medicine chooses me, I’m ready!”

Ahasveros

Vienna

A month ago I wrote my entry Bab’Ahash on my way to Vienna, being deeply touched by the love I received by the people in Cristaland the vibrant energy that was there.

It’s funny how quickly things sometimes change…

After being away only for a few days, everything changed.

When I returned seven of these people had left Cristaland, “leaving behind” mostly people I didn’t know that well. And in the meantime three people who were in Cristaland before me and had left, returned.

I guess for them, suddenly I – who they didn’t know – was the “vice-president”.

I was able to feel their reservations against me by two of them since the beginning.

The other one I knew from before and we had a good relationship. And I am not exactly sure what had happened that she suddenly turned against me. Maybe the fact that I was vice-president although she was the one who was supposed to be.

However, it was obvious that she was triggered and avoided to talk with me when I requested it with the exception of one conversation where I also felt like she is manipulating me.

Eventually, I got the impression that she is sabotaging me and my position in Cristaland.

Yeah, what shall I say… in the meantime, I have some experience with covered narcissists I can see all the same patterns in her.

To the outside she appears to be like an angel, but in reality, there is many signs for her manipulative behaviour.

Like making a plan for the future of events – giving me the worst spot to offer my meditations regularly – while excluding me in the process although I had asked her to join that meeting three times. And then she lied to everyone about what has happened.

The funny thing is, that when I uncovered her manipulative ways the whole core-team turned against me… very typical of narcissists and their aura.

It’s like Scottie Pippen, who talked about the real Michael Jordan in his biography. The whole basketball world turned against him… even one of his “victims” – his former best friend – Charles Barkley who Jordan ghosts for a decade now because Barkley once made a true statement about Jordans management skill of a basketball team, which was a bit criticising him.

Don’t missunderstand me, I love Michael Jordan the basketball player. But Michael Jordan the human?! It is so obvious that he is a full-on narcissist!

However, to come back to my situation… since I am gone from Cristaland, it is super obvious that the core-team is working against me. The other two – I mentioned before – might not have a personal issue with me, but they do have one with my position and with me as the “healer” of the community. And surprisingly, they got the best spots for their own regular events 😉

It’s funny how quickly things can turn.

So now I am in Vienna and I consider going straight back to Cristaland after I return from Athens to be present – a palace revolution is kinda easy when the king is absent. The people on the land still love me, only the core team doesn‘t.

I went from being loved by everyone to being faced with this bullshit I know from capitalistic companies within a month.

I mean WTF?!

Ahasveros

Pörtschach am Wöthersee

Three years ago, I published my perhaps second most defining blog entry – Seeker of Truth

It‘s funny, just last week someone told me in the Mayan calendar I am a „White Wizard“ – who is also defined as a seeker of truth… as are the Sufis.

In this entry, I didn‘t solely define my identity further – after the entry Persian Identity – but it was also my first entry I had written in months, and it was also a response to the separation from the mother of my child.

Also, coincidently, I watched “The Last Dance” for the first time during my flight to Vienna and my train trip to Carinthia exactly three years later again.

Yesterday, after three years, for the first time, I had the opportunity to hold my daughter for more then merely a few moments in my arms. She slept in my arms listening to children’s stories. That‘s the one thing I‘ve been seeking for since March 11th 2020… holding my daughter in my arms, letting her feel my heartbeat and love for her, and me feeling hers.

Yesterday, was the first time this was possible, and I am deeply grateful her mother allowed it 🙏

Ahasveros

Ibiza

Every month I come back to Austria for two days to visit my daughter.

It is a tiring journey as I leave Lagos at 8 am and arrive at my home in Vienna usually after seven hours or more when I don’t find a direct flight or if there is a two hour delay like the last time.

The next day I take the 10 am train and travel for about 4 1/2 to five hours (door-to-door) to get to Corinthia.

Usually, I spend three to five hours on that afternoon with my daughter, then go to rest (or have a sauna).

The day after I see my daughter again at 9 am for two to three hours before I take the train back to Vienna, usually arriving some time between 4 pm and 8 pm at my Vienna home, depending on the timing.

The next morning I usually take the 7 am flight back to Faro (which means I leave my home about 5:15 am) and arrive back to my home in Lagos around seven hours later.

This time I didn’t find an affordable flight back to Faro, so I’m not flying direct and not to Faro but Malaga, which eventually makes my trip back about 22 hours long.

It’s tiring and stressful. Last time my immune system got so weak in the process, that I was ill for more than a week.

And it’s expensive. Including flights, trains, hotel, food and presents each of these journies makes up about a quarter of my monthly living expenses.

So it’s at least a 75 hour journey with two flights and two train rides of at least 4 1/2 hours, about 6.000 km and takes more than 10% of a months time out of my life to see my daughter for five to eight hours in neither a private nor intimate setting.

Is it worth it?

Of course! She is my daughter! And by that, I don’t only mean my blood… all my aunts as well as my parents say, she has the same look in her eyes and the same charisma like me – when I was a child… dominat, charismatic, intense.

Apart from that, I’ve seen so many women (and in the Algarve even more) that have many issues and struggle after many years and even decades because their fathers were physically or emotionally absent. And I want to make sure that my daughter knows I really love her more than anything.

Recently, she started to express her wishes that I bring her to bed, that I come to her place to play with her in her space – her world – as we usually only meet in public without any privacy or intimacy, and she also stated multiple times that she wants to come to Portugal.

For her mother, it is not yet possible. I’m not sure why but have some wild bets 😉

I am certain, even if her mother is too caught up in her mental models to ever acknowledge, our daughter will one day see the effort daddy made to be part of her life and make her own conclusions about if mummy’s restrictions were justified.

But maybe I am just delusional. Maybe my daughter doesn’t deserve to be with her dad in a private and intimate setting ✌🏽

Ahasveros

Up in the sky

The other day, I danced with the moon again for the first time in a long time. When we returned to Cristaland at two in the morning, long term resident Aaron hugged me and said:

“You know, I never heard anyone here saying anything negative about you. You know everyone around here loves you!”

I was deeply touched…

Cristaland is a very special place. Different from most other communities, it has hardly any rules other than being alcohol and substance free and dogs are not allowed (with some exceptions). It is something in between a community and a camping space for travellers with a conscious mindset. It is so beautiful that you have a core team and than there is also always interesting new people coming and going all the time. Some farewells are hard because this is a space of love and connection and some people you start to love deeply.

The trees in Cristaland are very special living between them is deeply healing.

One guy who lives here now for a couple of months. He is around 30 and amongst other things was diagnosed manic depression. Since he is in Cristaland he is symptom free for the first time in his life.

Or our cook here, she is deeply spiritually connected. Whenever I talk to her, I get a answers of a Satsang teacher, not a normal human being. It is always a pleasure to talk to her. I hope her future husband will not come around any time soon (her plan is to stay in Cristaland until he passes by and picks her up) and I am happy that her suicide attempt (by holding her breath as long as she could) didn’t work 😉

And there is many people here with interesting biographies and various issues (however, people with serious mental issues cannot stay). The beauty here is that nobody needs to hide them here. You don‘t to wesr masks here.

The other day we sat at the fire. Akut – the owner of Cristaland – proposed that everyone sitting in the circle says something he likes about every person in the circle. When everyone started to give me feedback, eventually it was Aaron‘s turn.

“Where shall I start?” he said and then started to say many beautiful things but eventually he said some things I was kinda surprised about “… you are so light and humorous and make people laugh and feel good all the time!”

I was stunned… “light and humorous”… my best friends in Vienna would describe many good things about me but definitely not “light and humorous”!

It is true, I am really teasing and joking a lot and people here enjoy my presence. Sometimes people here start to gather around me to listen to what I have to say, talking like a wise fool, joking around but sharing wisdom with the jokes and teasing.

So now some people here start calling me Bab’Ahash… well actually it sounds like Baba’Hash 🤣

The last time I consulted my psychic supervisor in September she told me that I will be the metaphysical leader of a community but that I don’t want to accept that role… yet.

In fact, I came to Cristaland to be a resident. After being here for three weeks I’ve been asked to become the vice-president of the association that is running Cristaland. And now some people here call me the spiritual leader of the community, although I show them every day, how deeply human and flawed I am.

I never asked for any of that, yet, finally, I am living a life where I’m dancing every day, am light and humorous 😉

Ahasveros