Rise Again

On Wednesday I saw my daughter for the first time in many weeks. She seemed to be stunned that I am a real person and not merely a moving image on a screen. She recognises me as the picture called “Baba” but seems not to understand who I really am… who I really am supposed to be in her life.

She knows me as a moving image from our weekly 10-minute video-calls as in the last 8000 hours she only saw me for eight hours in person.

There was an interesting moment when my daughter fell to the ground during our meeting. Her mother complained and I responded: “Don’t worry, if she doesn’t fall she does not learn how to rise again.”

Yesterday, a young inspiring woman asked me „Since when are you spiritual?“ Interesting question. Well, firstly, I don’t like to call myself spiritual too much. Most people I know who use it to describe themselves are actually not really. They often merely made a spiritual experience or had their spiritual emergence and start to believe that makes them spiritual – being spiritual is walking a path and how you treat people and life but not an experience or belief. Usually, in my humble opinion, people who call themselves spiritual often have a very superficial understanding of spirituality who are not ready to walk on the true path.

However, my first spiritual emergence was when I was 24. I had just finished university and had fallen in love with a woman who had challenged many of my paradigms in life. Once the relationship was over, the situation had weighted me down. I fell into a type of depression and when I rose again, I did experience my spiritual emergence.

Depression literally means to be weighted down.

When my start-up was put down by government officials in 2017 and it was unclear if I would get prosecuted, I was weighted down again. I couldn’t get out of bed for weeks. Eventually this event also triggered our already unfulfilling relationship with my ex-wife to fail. There again, I couldn’t get out of bed for weeks. And again when the mother of my child decided I shouldn’t play a major role in my child’s life I was weighted down.

At first glance, it might seem that I must be weak that I always fell to the ground. But reality is, I’m an empath – which makes me more sensitive to life events – yet, I rose again… every single time. And there is so many people who are broken after only one of such life events. I just realized recently that the majority of (real) homeless people and (not organized) beggars in Austria are men who broke after their marriage had failed and/or they lost their children. And often they were former lawyers, bankers or doctors before they broke.

Rocky Balboa told his whining son once: “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you get hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that! I’m always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You’re my son and you’re my blood. You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain’t gonna have a life.“

In my last post I described how I repeatedly got beaten up when I was in elementary school and that I never punched back as I was scared to seriously hurt people. What did I do instead? I would get up however hard I got hit and just started laughing at the people who had hit me. So they would hit me harder in return until I would go down once more. But I rose again and would even laugh harder at these people. This would always continue until I would scare the shit out of them.

However hard life would hit me, so far I’ve never stayed on my knees permanently. I always got up again and rising again became the major driver of my “spirituality”.

So, also this time I will not stay on my knees and make myself available for some twisted reality and narrative of other people who need to subconsciously abuse me to become the reason for repeating their family’s history and projecting their family trauma onto me. It is my choice if I make myself available for other people to restage their childhood trauma or if I live my own life. I believe life is too short for that and I prefer to live my own life.

Especially when you tried everything you could to solve issues, you need to let go, take the essence with you and move on to the next stage and rise again.

Now it is time to move on and continue building the life I love surrounding myself again with people who inspire me. And recently I’ve been blessed with so many new inspirational people in my life.

I love my life.

I love life…