Author: vox

In my latest interview about a month ago, one of the participants said at some point something like “Just like Ricky Gervais, you simply don’t care!”

This sentence made me think. In a way he truly nailed it.

I remember when I saw Denis Rodman in an interview a few years ago when he continuously repeated when being confronted with seemingly embarrassing facts “I don’t give a shit!” It made me realize how much shit I gave then about so many things.

The last couple of years, really have changed a lot inside of me. And since travelling in Portugal I really started not to care about so many things. So many things that previously seemed to be so important to me and that I feel now are part of the Austrian vibe.

E.g. it’s funny, how my speaker agent tried to make me a B-list celebrity in Austria and I started to seriously believe that it was something to aspire. Becoming a B-list celebrity for the price of losing my authenticity… ah… no thanks…

For real, I mean, for so many years I gave a shit about so many things.

When you do, then you are subject to blackmail… in so many respects.

And when I watched my interview when it was published, I realized: Yeah, I really don’t care… anymore…

This interview was the most authentic thing I shared in a long time.

I mean, really, I don’t care any longer what people think. If they think I became a hippie, with my look. Or a pseudo-guru with my tone. Or a conspiracy theorist, when I say, it is not possible to speak the truth anymore. Or a psycho with some of the things I do or did. Or think something like “Huh? Wasn’t he a futurist? Covid made him a hippie guru!”

I don’t care 🤣

It feels so good to be finally free. I really don’t care, what people think about me, if I share my truth, in interviews, social media, in court or in front of my friends and family.

Once you realize, you have much more to win when you share your own truth, are true to yourself and live your own truth you are either crazy or you are finally free 🤙🏽

vox

Lagos

What a year… really…

There is so many things I am grateful for:

My father still being alive.

My daughter seeking for being with me.

Her mother making the effort of trying to be the best mother she can be.

Us having direct dialogues again for the first time in 2 1/2 years and the peace it creates.

And eventually, after almost three years – I would never had thought that I would ever be grateful for that – for the person who chased me away from my family that I loved so much and the life I though would be my future on March 11th 2020… eventually leading me to start a new life in a new country this year… something that wouldn’t have been possible without her “intervention” and the unbearable pain it inflicted on me, so I had to leave the country to bear with it.

I’m grateful…

For the shaman that created “The Ring”.

For my new Persian family.

For the shaman that initiated me into becoming a warrior of the heart.

For Boom for being baptised Ahasveros.

For OZORA for dancing my sacred dance again.

For Koochooloo for her beauty and love.

For the Greek gods of initiating me into a sacred circle.

For the Turning Point in my life.

For the 50 people that came to my first public ceremony that I facilitated at the winter solstice in South Portugal.

Wow… what a year…

vox

This morning my mother called. My brother in Iran who was jailed as being a leader of the current revolution was released on bail last week. She said perhaps it’s the last opportunity for to talk to him as today his verdict will be announced in court.

Under normal circumstances, he would get three to five years in prison, which can already be leathal in Irans prisons. But under a decree issued recently, the demonstrations in Iran are declared a “war against God”.

That implies the death penalty.

I called him. All this weeks I kinda felt numb when I thought about him and the situation. Maybe I believed that I would talk to him again.

But when I called him this morning, tears streamed down my face.

He picked up the phone.

It was hard for me to keep my voice calm, trying not to let him know that I fear the worst.

He started talking about how he felt and what he experienced the last weeks for a few minutes and then he said “Tell me something about your life.”

I said I came back to Vienna because my father is not well and to see my daughter, also telling him that things are getting better with her mother.

And then I told him about lucid dreaming and how I focus now on going deeper on it and gave him, possibly, my last teachings in this lifetime.

He thanked me and wanted to fare me well.

“Brother, one more thing!” I say “You are a hero of Iran!”

“There is much bigger heroes than me!” he responded.

“There always is!” I reinforce “And still, you are one of them… and also a true dervish! Never forget, whatever they do, they can take your life, yet, your influence will always live in others and in me. They can kill you but your poems will live forever! Ya hagh!”

KK

London

Yesterday I arrived in London with a six hour overstay and the necessity to transit between Luton and Gatwick airport.

So I thought I’ll pay a visit to Camden Market.

The first time I was there in 2001 I bought myself my bachelors graduation gift: My red leather jacket, which became one of my trademarks.

The second time I went there three years ago, when I paid London a visit for my first keynote speech outside of Austria. Then I bought a ring for the mother of my child, which was something quite unique for me, as before, I only did so for the woman I would go on to marry.

This time I thought I’ll get another leather jacket. My cousin really loves the original one I bought back in 2001 and I kinda felt like it’s time to pass it on. So I got a new one… and some other cool stuff 🤙🏽 shit… I really shouldn’t go to Camden too often…

Especially, when there is a strike of the public transport workers. Turns out that my new leather jacket costs me about double of what I paid for, when I consider my newly booked flight and the hotel for the extra night 🤣

But yeah, definitely worth it, eventually spending my night with a London DJ who became one of my closest friends during the pandemic.

In London transit…

What a wild six weeks. Really wild ✌🏽

So my Persian family and me, we are having the time of our lives with all this beauty around us and the excitement of starting a new life. And our work is picking up as well. One of my goals was to film one video by Christmas so we could apply for festivals. Well, that’s done already now.

It’s so beautiful to live with a family with a four year old girl. She kinda became my second daughter and it’s so beautiful that I can experience with her what I can’t experience with my own daughter and give her all the love my daughter really deserved.

Six weeks… wow, what shall I say?!

And now I’m heading back to Vienna to see my father who had another cancer surgery. But in reality the cancer is the smaller of his problems. The bigger one is his weak heart.

I’m going back to try to leverage the moment he might be open to some holistic approaches now due to the shock he’s going through now.

If this time he doesn’t wake up, that’s it… I truly believe.

And also, I will see my sun ☀️

“Papa, wo bist du?”

This one sentence she said when we last met, carried me for the last six weeks.

As much as I despise Vienna, I love to return.

“Da bin ich 😍”

vox

Lagos

So it’s been a week now that I’ve settled here in Lagos. Although it’s a city and I had planned to live in nature, it’s a very nice city to live in. The community I stayed in before simply didn’t properly prepare to host people like me to stay over winter (which get’s fairly cold but more importantly, humid) and their guesthouse is too expensive for me.

So, I live with a Persian family together in a nice apartment in a nice area. The sea is about 10 minutes by foot away and my friend and me, we go there every morning for our morning practice, doing Qi Gong on the beach and then breath work before we go into the cold water of the Atlantic ocean. It is not freezing cold yet but we really plan to go throughout the winter and I’m also looking forward to this.

Daytimes I work and in the evenings we either do some type of bodywork, music together or attend one of the many offers like ecstatic dance, yoga, cacao ceremonies, etc. around and connect to cool people.

And while back home it’s becoming winter again, here, after the rain nature are blossoming again like in spring…

The vibe here is amazing. Really, we are so far away from the worries of the war, the pandemic, energy crisis or anything alike. People from all around the world gather here to live, heal, enjoy their lives.

And really, coming here once more showed me how unhealthy the energy in Austria is for me. Austria is like a golden cage, with one of the most beautiful countries in the world and a system that is second to none… but there is still this deeply underlying fascistic subconscious Nazi spirit in the society (that I sometimes can even feel from left-wing people). It is so subtle that you can hardly even grab it once you are there a couple of weeks. However, from the outside you can quite obviously see it, e.g. looking at the presidential elections 2016 when a Nazi-inspired politician got 50% of the votes. “But he is not a Nazi!”… yeah, right… Trump is also not a sexual predator 😉

So really, finally I have freed myself from this unhealthy energy. My only concern is my daughter that has to grow up in this country. Her mother is extremely caring and takes care of all her needs but is yet to be confronted with the racism that our daughter will experience once she is in school… especially in the area that she lives in, which is known to be racist of them all. Money can buy her a lot of things but unfortunately not protect her from racism.

South Portugal is amazing, so wildly beautiful with it’s nature, the sun, the ocean… so archaic, with the fire and the winds… so healing with all the sacred medicine work around… so culturally diverse with people from all over the world coming to this place that also used to be an empire… one being connected to places like Brazil and Goa… and you can really feel the vibe of these places here, but it’s in Europe…

Especially if you are a remote worker, it’s the perfect place if you like the vibe of the sun, love the nature, live a spiritual life and want to be truly free…

It’s a little paradise!

vox

Lagos

Saturday I did my fourth ritual for the transition into my new life. It was a grandmother ceremony including possibly my most powerful Kambo session yet, with two medicine men from the Huni Kuin tribe.

It was very intense and powerful. Most of all I realised how blessed I am in life with many things that “happened to me” and the people that are a major part of my life, i.e. my family, my child and her mother and my close friends.

I am truly blessed despite the traumas I have experienced in this lifetime – with experiencing the revolution in Iran as a baby and it’s aftermath as a child growing up with deeply traumatized parents as well as physical-, emotional- and sexual abuse and this deep level of racism against middle eastern men in Austria – I’ve experienced deeper shit than many of my peers experienced… and still, I am grateful.

I realised on a different level that my father will be passing – possibly quite soon, hopefully he has some more years to enjoy his grandchild and his new home. When the psychic told me so at the beginning of September, I didn’t want to hear it. And now I can see that I have the opportunity to make true peace with him to fare him well. I hope he will make it to Spain so I can visit him there. Austria just doesn’t feel like the right place to make peace.

During the ceremony I made peace with many people on a deeper level and felt gratitude for who they are in my life and what they do and did for and to me. Now it’s time for me to move on.

And I do. I feel so welcome here in South Portugal since I arrived. With all the people I got to know. The way the people positively react towards me and the doors that open. And the energy, it’s so different. Austria still has this deeply underlying subtle dark energy of its past and I can always feel it when I am there… especially when I am here in Portugal or in Greece. It’s so different to be here and I am blessed that I can be.

I’m on the brink of the next stage of my life now. In a way it means that I need to stop fooling myself about many things and start doing certain things that build me and my future. When do I want to start, if not now.

In a way I feel like I’ve grown up in this ceremony and this ritual prepared my consciousness to manifest the next stage of my life.

I’m Here, Now and ready!

Let’s roll…

vox

Nazaré

Thursday was one of my most stressful birthdays ever. I had to get prepared for my trip and celebrate 😉

Friday, I was travelling all day long.

Saturday the ceremony at TOTE started. It was the third of five rituals I started for the transition into my new life.

I love these ceremonies. The way they build up. The way you perceive people at life the beginning and the end and everything that happens in between.

We started with our intentions. One tamazcal stone with an intention for ourself and the second for one loved one that needs healing. For a moment I thought to choose another person but I ended up with my father as he is seriously ill.

So we start with the tamazcal/sweatlodge and although I love sauna, tamazcal is challenging in a very different way. And I love it. Every time you do it, it feels like a rebirth.

And then the medicine, the grandfather, for me it is really subtle but very powerful… very powerful.

I came here to have a proper landing into my new life. And, wow, what a ceremony. What a start into the next chapter. What a landing back to Portugal.

So after two cups we sat at the bond-fire and the people were addressing the bond-fire as grandfather fire. So I thought I might just ask my grandfather for his blessing and support. And then it hit me. It was on that day 43 years ago when he was murdered in jail for being the powerful and charismatic man he was. Officially it was rated as suicide but in reality he was beaten to death – otherwise he would have had a solid head.

What a better day to get a blessing of my grandfather than on the anniversary of his death. And then I wondered… “Shall I get politically active now?” It took me a while to ask him but his answer was a definite “No!”

I was a bit confused and then looked up the sky. I see one of the most beautiful star skies I’ve every seen. And then I say out spontaneously “Why the hell did I stay for the last two months in Austria?”… “Because I wanted my daughter to feel my love for her and how much I miss her. And one day, I will play Cosmic Game with her and show her that amazing star sky.”

vox

Up in the Air

What a crazy summer!

Experiencing psytrance on another level while initiating people into this world. This world which is really mine. A world of healing, connectedness, serendipity, abundance and synchronicity.

And then Vienna…

Within one day, I returned to my old unhealthy habits. It was rough… really rough. I think it took me about a week living through it hardcore, before I was able to kinda snap out of it… kinda… in reality I wouldn’t be fully able to until the end.

And then, I saw my sun. I found the perfect present a father like me could give to his daughter for her third birthday… a handmade kaleidoscope.

We celebrated her birthday together twice, once her and me and once with my extended family as her mother made the effort to come to Vienna to celebrate.

And then I went to Greece for a week to talk to the gods… what a trip. I love Hellada… so much that I really wonder why I’m going to Portugal 😉 But the gods told me to. I have another mission to accomplish… for the moment at least…

Vienna was rough but it was really worth it because the mother of our child and me, we finally talked – after 2 1/2 years. And for the first time it feels like things are truly moving into the right direction… slowly.

And the last couple of days were particularly crazy. First, I was told that my father might have lung metastases… a biopsy will show.

And then, that my brother, friend, master and apprentice Kambiz was put into jail as a “ringleader of the demonstrations” in Iran. We know what that means… definitely torture, possibly execution… I pray for him to stay strong.

Yesterday, I turned 44. Tomorrow I will do another deep healing ceremony, perfectly fitting into this moment in time.

While my last trip to Portugal was to explore the country, this one is to explore what I can manifest with the brother that I’ve initiated.

This is it… the next episode…

vox

I remember, when I changed my path in 2010 from healing work back into business consulting – to be able to “provide for me and my wife” – it was my choice but I told myself that it was necessary for me to do so. I had my “good reasons” – as we always do when we need to fool ourselves into doing something that is not ideal or even wrong.

And then, whatever I did, it always seemed not to be enough.

Not for my wife, neither for me, nor for my clients…

I always told myself “they” were wrong, although I knew better.

This was something that I “re-created” in my 30ies because it was a trauma that I grew up with – never being good enough, whatever I did…

We usually create situations in life to understand, learn from them and outgrow our traumas.

And what I truly learned from that experience is: When you are on the “wrong path” “it” will always not be enough, simply because it cannot be, since you need to change the path.

You can avoid it, bring “logical” reasons why, “overwrite” it.

Still, it will never be enough.

That’s why I changed back to the path that is really mine, yet with a lot of valuable experiences from the path I rerouted to in 2010.

Today, when I farewelled my daughter for the next few weeks or months she started to ignore me and to have this look in her eyes – the way she always looks when she is pissed off with me. So I asked her “Are you angry with me?” and she clearly nodded. Her mum would tell me, that she is just tired, overwriting – as often – the signs that our daughter want’s to spend considerably more time with me.

I can relate to her: She really tries hard to do everything she can to be the best mum she can be. It is exhaustive and still not enough. When it comes to “how much our daughter can see me” she is perhaps only calming her guilty consciousness with the (which I consider) homeopathic doses of contact time.

And of course she cannot really see it… it took me more than eight years to be able to see it, although so many friends kept telling me… although, deep inside I always knew the truth but didn’t know how to deal with it.

When you are on the wrong path, it will always not be enough and at some stage you become desperate, because you don’t know what else to do.

I might be wrong of course… the future will tell…

vox

Delphi

Saturday I started my trip to do multiple of rituals. On Evia I reconnected to nature again.

At Perachora at the temple of Hera I healed a family wound that haunted my family for 14 generations including me (and swam with the gods in the sea).

And then, I came to Delphi – my beloved Delphi where I met Zeus on my 42 birthday – to consult the gods.

Truly, Hellada, the land of the gods, the holy land, again you’ve intrigued me, stunned me and this time initiated me to another realm 🙏🏽

I’m truly blessed 🙏🏽 the gods are with me… in general in life and also in specific for the topic I came to consult them for.

If I get attacked, I will prevail. So will I if I attack. But the gods told me there is nothing more for me to do other than making a final offer. I can let go because I gave everything and paid my price. Now it’s for the others to pay their price.

And then the gods have initiated me.

Oh dear gods, truly you are great, having beaten the King of Kings who thought he was a god too but you showed him his mortality.

I kneel down in front of these great gods, asking them for support and wisdom and ask for initiation into the circle of creators.

Creators of love…

light…

and life!

I seek to be lead by the wisdom, the power, the fire, the water, the wind, the earth and the ether, lead by the gods, through my fire, my vision, through my willpower, through my actions in this life.

I seek for the guidance to continue from here on.

I dedicate my life to be a warrior of the heart to do what I burn for to do what is right and truthful and full of love, as a son, as a brother and as a father.

Especially for my daughter – my sun, my light!

vox